Facebook: Mom, it’s not what you think
About four months ago my mother became an avid Facebook user. Since then I have removed pictures, edited info, and made countless other efforts to make sure she still considered me her perfect little girl.
Some memories of my 21st I don't want to share with my family
As older generations begin to infiltrate Facebook, younger generations, who are for the most part their family, are having to change their usage patterns. I say infiltrate because my mother got a Facebook profile to spy on me. She claims it is how she keeps in touch with distant friends, but I know better. She quickly became friends with all of my friends. Her response was, “Well Kyla, they are my friends too.” NO MOM, THEY’RE NOT!
So now my feed is filled with her commenting on every photo I’m tagged in and all the posts she’s tagged me in, plus embarrassing comments about my trials and tribulations. “My baby turns 21 at midnight,,,,,,,,,,,,” (Yes she used commas, not periods.) She usually comments on my friends’ posts too – NOT COOL!
In an attempt to stop the unwanted attention, I restricted what she could see on my profile She noticed. I played it off as an accident and let her have full view again. Instead I started un-tagging myself from various posts and photos, deleting things from my ”About me” section. Before I realized it I had remodeled my entire site to fit her image of me.
While my Facebook still semi-represents me, it is only what I would want my mom to see. For example, according to my interests section I no longer enjoy, “Sleeping in after partying all night with the girls” I instead enjoy, “art, music, traveling, reading, ect…”
Is this what social networking has come to? I hate to have to separate my social networking from my family, but the image she has of me won’t allow me to be myself on Facebook any longer. I know I’m not the only one out there that feels this way or who goes through such extensive measures to keep their private lives private.
To my mom, step mom, uncles, grandma, and other family members, “I have contemplated deleting you, and if you send me one more Farmville request you will only strengthen my resolve!”
Great Point Kyla, and while I have been lucky in that my family has been quite anti-Facebook, I can see how it would be an awkward situation. While my crazy partying days are behind me, I tend to post a whole lot of ridiculous crap I come across on the internet, and don't want to censor my friends comments. When Boomer and Gen-X coworkers started friending me I was panic stricken, you were almost forced to accept. The addition of lists and the changes to the privacy settings saved my Facebook from becoming a hallow shell of what it once was, giving me two settings for my profile: one for how I actually use Facebook and a profile that shows a slim fraction of posts (when I select everyone under the privacy) and the bio page + profile picture (no tagged photos). Learn how to use your privacy settings people, it could save your job + prevent awkward family moments! As for your mom stealing your FB friends, I hate to say it, but that's kind of funny!
) Great article
I feel your pain Kyla, being that my life pretty much revolves around the place I work…being a bar, I spend most the time completely hammered and my entire family is now on facebook so my counterpoint to you is this; be who you are their your family they'll love you regardless after all they were young once too.
It's funny Kyla; for about a week now I've been staring at a “+1 friend request” on my Facebook page and contemplating whether or not to accept it….because it's my mom. I can handle her seeing the photos that are tagged of me; they aren't outrageous or anything that she wouldn't expect me to do in my social life. But I agree with you, there needs to be a separation between what parents HEAR about our lives, and what they SEE. Facebook's original purpose was to allow COLLEGE students to connect with other COLLEGE students and showcase what kind of lives we lived, now it's free game for everyone. My mom and I have a great relationship and she knows plenty about what I do for fun and who I hang out with, but she doesn't need to know everything! Great article!
Even worse than mothers…grandmothers.
I think we all agree with you, Kyla! My grandma is constantly sending me e-mail to ask about my status updates, pictures and comments. On the other hand, my dad frequently calls me with questions about how to post a comment on someone's wall. Seriously? I try to remember that teaching me how to use the potty probably wasn't easy either, and my parents were very patient to retie my shoe laces until the bows looked perfect to my 4-year-old self. Maybe Facebook will have a mass exodus and end up like MySpace. Maybe soon we'll have our own “Generation Y” only place online to just be ourselves with no parental interruptions.
I love you Kyla! this is hillarious, true, and awesome!
I do miss Facebook in its heyday… But I think that this is for the best.
I always assume that anything I post online is not private. If our parents are forcing us to learn that lesson now, I consider that way better than learning it from an employer the hard way.
I'm FB friends with old professors, my mom, my 17-year-old brother, my uncle, 8 younger cousins, and now my boss. I'm glad I can show them that I have nothing to hide.
Although it helps that I'm a perfect angel, of course. Right, mom? (I think she reads these comments too. Shhh.)
And you would think that you can just say, “You know, mom, don't you think that friending me on Facebook is kind of invasive and this is a boundary that you really should respect” … my experience is, this does not work at all.
Wow, thanks for all the comments guys.
Scott, I'm terrible with my privacy settings, maybe I should look further into my privacy settings, although I'm sure by now my family already knows, which is basically what Colin had to say. My friends don't appreciate you laughing at their pain, my friend Jenny has had it with Farmville gifts from my mother.
Evan I totally agree, I remember a time when to get a Facebook account you were required to have a college E-mail – not any more. Facebook has started letting any and everyone into their network, I do think there is something to be said about exclusivity. Maybe Jessi has it right, and there will soon be an exclusive site that only allows certain ages – they do it at senior living homes (so maybe I looked into it) why wouldn't social media outlets look into it? I can only speculate the reasons for which my family has gotten Facebook, but I know all of them have discovered the ease of use and are not opposed to shameless stalking.
The issue with keeping Facebook as only University and College students is that someday they wull grow up and be parents too. Then what happens? They just cut them off from facebook all together? Maybe send their profiles off to a Senior Citizen network so the kiddies can have their fun.
Either way, Facebook changed with the times and as a result we have to be more and more careful with what we put online. Like Evan was saying, the privacy settings are key! Not to mention the ability to put people in groups. On Facebook I have two groups; “Everyone” and “Mom.”
You make a good point cool kid. I still believe there is some way exclusivity could be utilized. I'm not sure how, but it could work…maybe.