Is Casual Sex Ever Really That Casual?
This article is part of the TNGG Sex Week series on Gen Y and sex. Read more from the series here.
I see nothing wrong with sex as a private, personal act and even less wrong with sex as a deeply bonding and loving experience.
But it can also be an act two people share because they just enjoy something that straight out feels good. We add a social stigma to sex when in public, but are open to it in private. It’s time things change.
What is so wrong with that good feeling? Feeling elated even? Sex can—and sometimes is—just sex. Yes, I do believe that sleeping with someone you love adds a whole level to the experience, but I don’t cling to the notion that love is the only option.
A casual sex relationship does not work for everyone, or within every friendship, but it can provide a release, an escape, and a comfort to two willing parties.
Sex can mean I love you. It can mean I like you. Or it can simply mean I want your body. We should stop making assertions that any of those meanings mean more than the other. It can be emotional or carefree; spiritual or simple; ultimately, though, isn’t it all just carnal?
When there is a need or an urge to be physically intimate; beyond holding hands, or a simple kiss on the cheek, go ahead: leave your emotions on the floor next to your pants.
It may very well be impossible to verbalize what it feels like to be in love with the person lying next to you –a feeling and a power emanate from that experience that can never be repeated or faked. It is a perfect moment, but like all perfection, it may require some practice.
Author: Jen Schmidt — I currently live in Cambridge MA and am a struggling graduate student. I love politics, and creative thought. I work against social injustice in health care and am interested to see how social media and marketing will play a role in creating lasting change.
I had casual sex with an ex a few times a few months after we broke up. At the time neither of us were seeing people and it seemed harmless. The sex when we were together was just so good and both of us needed to feel that sense of greatness again. Having sex with my ex seemed logical because I knew who he was and I trusted him more than I could trust a stranger with a one night stand. I know guys deny it's true, but the fact is girls love sex just as much as them, if not more. Personally, sex solidifies a relationship but can also make you feel great. As long as both people are agreeing, I say do it. As for my ex and me, we are still friends but skip the sex because things just got messy after some time.
So, the real question is, does Gen Y think casual sex is more acceptable than previous generations? If so, why?
Jen, I like that you make the distinction that sex can be casual, but also intimate, and that the meaning of a sexual encounter really depends on your relationship with that person and the situation that you're in. My absolute favorite book EVER (The Unbearable Lightness of Being by Milan Kundera) examines the idea of casual sex outside of a marriage by telling the couples' story and their angst and thoughts along the way. It's absolutely fascinating how well it makes an argument FOR casual sex as simply casual and nothing more.
To respond to Adam's question… I don't think that casual sex is more acceptable to Gen Y at all. I think that we have more opportunities (more friends & acquaintances) to engage in casual sex, but I certainly think it was more acceptable for Gen X, etc.