This article is part of the TNGG Sex Week series on Gen Y and sex. Read more from the series here.
By Armando Samuels: “I was B&R in Panama and moved to the US 8 years ago to learn the language and go to school. I’m a wannabe photographer/pro fantasy football player/pro-karaoke singer/film maker aspiring to be a native English speaker, in my spare time I am an account guy at TBWA\Chiat\Day in Los Angeles and a little bit of an Ad Junkie. I enjoy beer, women, sports and loud farts.”
Everything starts and ends with one basic statement. Guys want to get laid.
I’m probably not saying anything that you don’t know already. The reason I bring up this point is because this is the foundation on which the date will be judged. I am not saying guys need to get laid on the first date (even though it would be nice), but we at least need to know that we will at some point. Bad first dates are the ones that end with confusion. There is nothing worse for a guy than walking away from a date asking himself, “Am I getting laid anytime soon?”
That’s why the ideal first date, from a guy’s perspective, needs to end up with some sort of clue about our penis’s destiny in the next couple of weeks. Those clues can range from obvious sex clues during dinner, to some heavy petting or a harmless BJ. But we need a clue!
Guys are like little kids. Listen, when I was 8 years old, all I wanted was to go to Disneyland, and for a third world country kid like me this was a big deal. So my parents used to tell me that if I got good grades and behaved well, they were gonna take me. After months and months of good behavior and decent grades, the Disneyland trip never came. So I went back to getting bad grades and working as a drug mule. Maybe this is why I feel this way about first dates. If you don’t give me a hint that I’m going to “Disneyland” any time soon, it’s probably not the ideal date and I’ll might even lose interest.
Of course, this whole theory goes to hell if you have one of those “love at first sight” moments, where all you want to do is impress this girl beyond belief, and you are even willing to practice abstinence. Unfortunately, those are pretty rare and we usually end up going on “normal” dates.
“I know it sounds like we only think about sex and that we’re insensitive assholes, but hear me out. A hint of sex will leave us craving for more of you. And who knows, this might even be the beginning of something incredible. I believe that love is based on three pillars: Trust, Communication and Sex. And the sooner we take care of these, the better. Communication builds trust, so we might as well get the sex out of the way quickly.
I don’t think we are asking for much. I had a friend that once told me that dates for her were like interviews into her pants, and I totally agree. So just give the guy an idea by the end of the date if he is fitted for the position.
Just to recap: We will judge the success of a great first date on how good our chances are to go to “Disneyland” in the next couple of dates. Clues to our sexual future is the best way to a man’s heart. So, let’s end the uncertainty right away, so we can fall in love.
Author: Armando Samuel was B&R in Panama and moved to the US 8 years ago to learn the language and go to school. I’m a wannabe photographer/pro fantasy football player/pro-karaoke singer/film maker aspiring to be a native English speaker, on my spare time I am an account guy at TBWA\Chiat\Day in Los Angeles and a little bit of an Ad Junkie. I enjoy, beer, women, sports and loud farts.
I believe that this is the thought of all men. However, as a woman, I have always been taught that sex on the first, or second, or third date is the way to LOSE a man, not gain his long-term attention (and in fact that men stay interested only when you don’t sleep with them). How far off base am I here?
Wow. Just, wow.
I have a hard time believing that this is true for all men… or even most men, but maybe I'm in denial here.
I totally get where this is coming from, guys want to get laid, that's what is in their genes. However, as a woman, I have been taught my entire life that the way to keep a guy is to NOT sleep with him any time soon. Sleeping with them means you're not the “take home to mother” type and therefore not date-able. So, is it just the IDEA of sleeping with her, or is the important part actually sleeping with her?
I'm not a GenY'r commenting (older) so perhaps my perspective is different. This man author is completely correct in his analysis of this situation. And I also think his thoughtfulness in declaring the three pillars should not be underestimated. I think his point is that the girl must SHOW sexual interest in the first date, not necessarily do it with him that evening. If the chemistry is there, a guy you want to hang out with will wait, as patiently as possible, for the girl to feel comfortable with having sex with him. And girls, if you are hanging out with him for good reasons, then obviously there is an attraction, so what's the problem? I also don't think he is talking about one nighters, those tend to have rules outside of this discussion. Bottom line: If you dig each other, show it. Be safe, and if you are very, very lucky you might “get surprised” and find love.
sad but true… this is how guys are engineered. and i agree with a comment made by Cyn… showing Sexual interest is Key… that doesn't mean you have to have it that night but it keeps the guy interested for the next time.
Nailed it. (no pun intended) Thats exactly what I am talking about.
Nailed it. (no pun intended) Thats exactly what I am talking about.
tolula- I would argue that guys are engineered to be direct. With everything. Biologically, yes guys are wired to spread their seed. And gals are wired to be selective and produce offspring. Gals are often vague. But, whatever, both love the act of having sex.
Armando's article is about finding love, finding the right person to spend time with, finding someone who will listen and communicate so the umbrella of trust will protect the 2 individuals. He is simply saying to fast forward through the bs, so that the “talking” can begin in earnest. It doesn't seem sad to me. It seems honest and direct. Yes, there are plenty of guys out there who we girls would consider an ass, a pig, a man whore and you ladies know exactly who they are. If you choose to engage with such, what exactly are YOUR expectations? But there are plenty of nice, normal (and part of normal would be very, very sexual) guys who are looking for a synergistic partnership. You are date-able and worthy to take home to mother (even if you did have sex with him) as long as you are both securely under the the same umbrella.
Wow. So basically I'm going to start dating women.
Agreed with Christine and Valeria. I dunno what to even add.
love this! nice and bold!
Mr. Samuels… i'm sure you'll love to sleep with as many girls as possible and not even have to ask for their name…
on the contrary valeria… we women have the power so just play along… if you are just in it for the dinner… tease a bit until you can't fake it any more and then brake it off… sex free… LOL
Honestly, I'm a little disappointed in the comments here. I was hoping for a little more lively debate and back and forth on such a “hot” topic.
I'm going to go ahead and say that I disagree with Armando here.
Guys are not like little kids unless they don't grow up. The disappointing part for women may be that a “grown up” man isn't all that they'd hope he is, but he definitely is different from an 8 year-old. For better or worse is unclear.
Do men want sex? Definitely. But so do women.
Some men are manwhores, just as some women are slutty. Some men have conservative sexual values, and some women have conservative sexual values. There are a lot of differences between men and women, but the desire for sex isn't one of them. It exists in all of us, just some repress it more than others. Whether that's a good thing or a bad thing, I don't know. I do know, however, that there are enough of all kinds of men and women for everyone to have a chance at finding a partner that suits them.
I agree completely with Adam here. Many girls want sex just as much as the guys do, and some guys and girls don't have much interest in sex at all.
Well now that makes much more sense – I was taking this article as that the objective was multiple one night stands. Obviously if you're into someone, there's going to be those strong sexual undertones – otherwise neither partner is going to wanna get it on with each other.
True dat. I do that on the reg. hahaha
Hi Adam, If your point is that men and women are different and that there is someone out there that fits every particular lifestyle, then yes I fully agree with you. With the comment of “guys are not like little kids” I kind of disagree. Sometime regardless of how mature we act we are like kids.
Once again I'm not saying that this is this way all the time. I we find a girl that we really really like we do things different and we don't seam to focus on Sex as much.
With that said, I am well aware that I can't speak for all men, but I know that I speak for many of them.
You're right. For me, if I'm not seeing any sexual interest, I'm simultaneously not seeing any attraction to me. Which is fine, but I'm going to walk away thinking “she's really not into me, so why waste my time?”
Just to play a little devil's advocate here, I think there's more to it than just wanting to get laid – although yes, everyone wants to get laid.
So much of the dating experience is the rise, pun not intended. As a 16-year-old guy in the dead center of last decade, I started dating my first serious girlfriend and things were great for the first few months — we steadily rounded the bases at an even pace until we got to a point where it just stopped and plateau'd. I stuck with it because part of me didn't want to lose what I had already achieved, but I should have known a tease when I saw her.
Fast forward to now, and its the same. Guys (and I assume Girls) are constantly looking to the future – looking to whats next. If the girl is worth a slow ascent to the top, we'll go there, but if I see no sign of valhalla, I'm not always going to stick around with blind faith.
Girls, riddle me this. If you met a guy who was right, but seemed rough around the edges, you might see potential in him, yes? You might think you could shape things your way?
But then, you don't see a sign of change. Do you just keep trying, or do you jump ship and try again?
In closing, Armando's right – there's always an end goal… its only a question of staying on course or trying a different route.
THIS? This is “The Next Great Generation”? Someone get a bucket. I’m about to puke.
I can’t exactly tell if you, Mr. Samuels, are trying to be funny with this article, but you’re making it sound like all men on a first date have expectations like this.
If you need clues as obvious as a BJ, then you are clueless.
I may be too idealistic in writing this, but I hope that The Next Great Generation would be filled with men, looking for women who are confident in themselves enough that they don’t have to give guys blowjobs just to ensure they stick around. Slow down! You’re not cavemen! You don’t need to spread your seed like your life expectancy is 33!
If I’m into you, you’ll know by my body language. My flirting. The pitch of my laugh. I’ll maybe even give you the EFF ME eyes. But unless I’m really into you and feel an emotional connection, I’m not going to touch your dick.
Of course, every rule is made to be broken. Especially on hot summer nights…sigh.
Listen, as a woman, my craving for sex is sometimes just as robust as any man’s. I daydream about having sex on the bus, in the elevator, on a bed of roses, etc. Excuse me while I splash my face with water…
Okay back.
But, as a general rule, how about getting to know each other BEYOND what you would learn on a first date? Prime her. Make her crave more of you, just as much you already crave us. Let her daydream about what could come (PUN INTENDED). So when the physical stuff does happen, we will be into it way more. And the sex will be even more meaningful, and earth shattering, which is good for both parties involved.
Ladies, seriously. Go at your own pace. Do what you’re comfortable with.
Guys, please don’t expect the “obvious” clues. You shouldn’t need them. Just look closer and you’ll find what you’re looking for. Sometimes it’s not in your pants.
“if I’m into you, you’ll know by my body language. My flirting. The pitch of my laugh. I’ll maybe even give you the EFF ME eyes…” this is exactly my point. All those cues you are mentioning are exactly the type of clues we're looking. Some girls are able to do the EFF ME eyes others might not have that ability and might have to do a bit more.
Lori I hope that beyond our apparent disagreement you are able to have a laugh and not take this topic so serious.
Yes, this is the next great generation – honest, bold and throwing the BS out the door
Armando – thank goodness you said it. Seems the GenY'er ladies are bit literal and taking things rather seriously. I mean really when you talk about sex, it seems like a perfect topic to be a little tongue-n-cheek (pun intended). I do think most folks are saying the same thing, kinda. Except the part about some people just aren't into sex. I think your article does assume both parties are interested, but I think perhaps that might not be the case. I wonder how many people aren't into it because they haven't had good sex versus the folks who are built to not really care if they have sex or not?
Really? I’m taking this topic too seriously? I even threw in a “come” joke, just so you knew I wasn't.
I’d love to know why you pulled a paragraph from my response, Armando. I’m not sure what your reaction to it is.
Apologies. I read your response wrong. Because you said the clues I mentioned are the kind you’re really looking for, yet you say we’re in disagreement.
We’re totally in agreement. Girls will send these types of signals naturally. Yet in your article, what you’re saying guys need is an obvious clue like a BJ. Hm…
Look. I appreciate this article you’ve written. It IS bold. It IS funny. But had we not had this comment thread, you would have provided no clarification. Humor sacrifices honesty, I guess. So, you’re not throwing BS out the door. You’re kind of stockpiling it.
Good night, and good luck. -L
I really don't think that's what Armando would want at all!
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