This article is part of the TNGG Sex Week series on Gen Y and sex. Read more from the series here.
The “Birds and Bees” conversation of your childhood likely covered only the basic mechanics of human procreation. In subsequent years you may have picked up bits of information from friends, magazines, or a health education class.
Much of that information was unreliable or presented in such a stale way as to be unusable.
So you sallied forth on an adventure of sexual discovery and learned many things first-hand. What have you since learned on your own that you wish a parent or some other authority figure had discussed with you early on?
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My mom was always very straightforward about sex with me. My younger brother was conceived when I was 4-years-old and I asked a lot of questions. She didn't lie to me at all, except when I asked if childbearing hurts.
I don't feel like I missed out on any particular nugget of information… I learned all the technical and scary things from mom and school. I started learning all the sticky information from friends during middle school and high school.
That said, it's still difficult for me to talk about with parents or any other authority figure. I enjoy having a persona of innocence!
I'm not really sure what I wished my parents had told me. My schools were never a help and always told me to avoid sex. I learned a lot from friends, but when it comes down to it, no one can really be prepared for the first time they have sex. In the end, I don't think that anyone needed to tell me anymore. I knew as much as I could at the time.
I wish my mom had informed me that sex does not necessarily equate to a serious, monogamous relationship. If I had known earlier that she felt the same way, we probably would have talked more when I was in high school and maybe been closer.
That said, she did tell me most everything else I needed to know pretty early on.
It feels phenomenal.
My parents never talked to me about sex but always encouraged me to come to them if I ever needed to talk about life issues. I never dated in high school (my own choice) so they just probably thought it wasn't that necessary to bring up the subject. I absorbed all the knowledge from media, reading, and discussing with friends.
I wish my parents didn't tell me so much. They started talking about it when I was 12 probably and I had already gathered all my info through my brother's friends so I was a bit shocked when all the info volunteered by my parents went beyond what was truly necessary to know. That said, we joke a lot about sex in my family, French tradition I guess…
I wished my father had been able to be comfortable enough about his own sexuality to share his feelings about what it meant to be a sexual being. We need to educate our children both male and female that sex is about pleasure, fun and intimacy and NOT about performance. Arousal should be more important than an erection to determine desire and desirability and time measured on a clock as to what constitutes “sex”. I am a tougher case than most – I earn my living as a sex therapist – I continue to discover and learn a tremendous depth to our sexuality that has yet to be published.