Same-Sex Relationships? That’s So Gay!

This article is part of the TNGG Sex Week series on Gen Y and sex. Read more from the series here.

“I don’t even care about Proposition 8. It’s not like any of my relationships last that long anyway,” a friend said to me once.

Despite the doom and gloom of my friend over his love life and the sociopolitical strife out West, many of the stereotypes assigned to the LGBT community have evaporated. Due largely to the outspoken acceptance of gay rights from the majority of Gen Y millennials, gays and lesbians and their same-sex relationships have become a common thing.

Chances are, assuming you haven’t been handcuffed to a radiator or lived exclusively under a rock the past ten years, you know at least one or two gay men. Some things are true: we liked to be well-groomed; we are usually guilty of spending too much time standing in front of the mirror; and we probably go nuts when Lady Gaga plays at a bar or club. But other things are important to gay men: monogamous sex and relationships, and we value them no less than heterosexuals.

Laying the groundwork for how gay men interact and socialize, consider the basics: Gay men are outgoing. We’re often sexually liberal. We’re not afraid to take risks. Why? We’re men, we’re attracted to men, and men know what men want (speaking of which, where’s OUR movie?). We’ve learned that to get closer to a guy we like, we need to take action and get his attention through communication. When we see someone we’re interested in, we’re pretty (read: very) forward about letting that person know.

That said, the general consensus on same-sex relationships is simple: they don’t last. We’re too socially outgoing to be with one person for the long-term. We’re too driven by hormones. Society as a whole doesn’t fully accept us yet. Blah blah blah. In truth, we’re no different from heterosexual couples when it comes to relationships. We want to be able to find someone we can have a close, monogamous relationship with, and the foundations of a same-sex relationship is not unlike any male-female relationship.

Above all else is communication. Like most gay men, I’m outspoken about my feelings and opinions, and I expect that to be reciprocated in a relationship. Whether it’s a phone call to talk about our days, or if I don’t feel we’re on the same page in a relationship, I don’t want my partner to beat around the bush with conversation and give one-word answers to me on the phone, or dodge questions about why the relationship is hitting a snag. Be honest. Be open. The worst game of 20 questions I’ve ever had to play was when I was in the car with my boyfriend at the time, asking him why he was so uninterested in seeing me on weekends and why he had become so passive talking on the phone. I won that game of 20 questions. The prize? We broke up.

The same goes for sex: laying down the ground rules of what I expect from the relationship and also to communicate what works for me and my partner in the bedroom. Guys, especially you gay men: you know you love talking about the nitty-gritty when it comes to sex. Just because you’re in a relationship doesn’t mean you have to stop. Any relationship, especially same-sex relationships, will not work if two people aren’t honest about what their likes and dislikes are when it comes to sex. Everyone has different comfort levels with being sexually explorative, and if you don’t voice your feelings, then at least one of you will be up $&!%’s creek without a paddle (no pun intended, grow up!).

Trust is also important. It’s easy to assume that if two gay men meet each other, then they’re going to be attracted to each other and the prospect of someone being unfaithful is entirely possible. This needs to be thrown out the window. Give me my space if I’m doing my own thing and stop worrying; I know how to be social and also know how to behave myself when I’m out and my partner isn’t with me.  Please don’t continuously ask imposing questions on who I’m with, constantly text me about what I’m doing when I’m out (I know you’re singing “Telephone” right now!), and keep in mind that gay men do understand what monogamy is.

Gay men know how to have fun, how to be socially outgoing, and we’re not afraid to go and get what we want. When a straight man asks “Why?,” a gay man asks, “Why not?”. But don’t think gay relationships are all play and no work. We have the same insecurities, fears and emotions as anyone else. We value commitment to a person we care about, communication in person, on the phone and in the bedroom, and trust that two people of the same sex can openly share each other’s lives without the fear of being disloyal. Take the time to know your local gay man, and maybe even embrace your inner gay! Think of it like a bag of Skittles: taste the rainbow! (Again no pun, seriously grow up!)

Hopefully this will help my friend care a little more about Prop 8.

Author: Evan Powers – I’m Evan. A recent UMass-Amherst graduate in Journalism, I have a passion for writing and communicating, brainstorming ideas and strategies with consumers and the media, and just about anything social media-related. I still enjoy getting my news from a newspaper, but my favorite section is still the comics. And that’s the best way to sum up my personality.