Just Sex? Gen Y Likes It Four Ways

By Andreana “Addy” Drencheva 

This article is part of the TNGG Sex Week series on Gen Y and sex. Read more from the series here.

We all dream of romantic relationships and love. Love that makes us happy. Love that changes our lives. Love that changes our outlook. But not all of us are lucky enough to experience this love. Maybe we haven’t met the one. Maybe we lost the one. Maybe we don’t want a romantic relationship. Maybe we don’t have time for a romantic relationship.

However, we have physical needs. We all need sex and the fact that we are single doesn’t mean we have to live without it. So, we’ve found a solution. We’ve developed a system of non-romantic long-term sexual relationships to keep us satisfied. Maybe we don’t own the patent for this system, but we’ve turned into its masters. Depending on our needs, we engage in four major kinds of relationships.

Friends with benefits: He/she is one of our best friends. He/she is always there to cheer us up when we are sad. He/she is always there to celebrate our achievements. And he/she is always there to satisfy our physical needs. This kind of relationship is very similar to a romantic one. But it is not. It is just two close friends that often engage in sexual encounters. They love each other as friends, but they are not in love with each other. Of course, sometimes, people in this kind of relationship get hurt because one of them falls in love.  Sometimes, they feel so comfortable with each other that they give up on looking for a romantic relationship. Sometimes they fall in love with each other.

Fuck buddies: He/she is an acquaintance of ours. Sometimes we meet at parties. We might be classmates. We might have a few mutual friends, but we are not friends. We just have sex. Every once in a while we hang out, but the basis of this relationship is our need for sex.  We have rules of how this relationship works. Often, we even have a schedule for our encounters. When we are in a relationship of this kind we keep looking for someone to engage in a romantic relationship with. It is possible that this relationship evolves into a friendship with benefits, but it doesn’t happen very often.

Stress reducers: Unlikely the previous two kinds, this relationship doesn’t always involve regular sexual encounters.  It is based on the scientific fact that sex reduces stress. Most of us have stressful lives, but not all of us are in romantic relationships. So, we find someone who we can call anytime we need a quickie. And that is it. We are not friends. We don’t hang out. We don’t share problems or successful endeavors. We just get what we need and leave until the next time one of us is exposed to a stressful situation. Of course, some of us are more vulnerable to stress than others; some of us have more stressful lives than others, so we might call that someone every day, or even a few times a day.

Exploration buddies: She opens Cosmo and reads about a new position. She wants to try it. His best friend tells him about a position he tried last night. He wants to try it. They are curious. They are kinky. They are single.  What do they do? Write a mental note about the position and wait until they are in a relationship? NO, they have exploration buddies.  Maybe it is an ex. Maybe it is a best friend. Maybe it is a not so close friend. Maybe it is an acquaintance. It doesn’t matter. “Hi, I just heard about something new. Can I come over tonight?” “Sure.” Simple. Easy. No commitments, just curiosity and kinkiness.

Sometimes people have more than one non-romantic long-term sexual relationship. Sometimes it is hard to define what kind of relationship they have. Sometimes one kind of relationship turns into another. Sometimes a non-romantic long-term sexual relationship turns into a romantic relationship. But we all need sex and it doesn’t matter what names we give to our relationships.

Are there other kinds of long-term nonromantic relationships we engage in?

Image: Flickr via SashaW

Author: Andreana “Addy” Drencheva – Fun-loving, challenge seeking, problem solving, hardworking and devoted social media enthusiast and events planner. Imported from Europe, enjoyed the rainy days of Washington for 2 years, and venturing into the world of cold weather and lack of diversity in the Midwest.