This article is part of the TNGG Sex Week series on Gen Y and sex. Read more from the series here.
What comes to mind when your friend tells you they’ve hooked up with someone? I mean, which base? 1st; 2nd; 3rd; or… home?
Debatable, right? Well, it at least depends on who you ask.
Now what do you think when someone says they’ve had sex with someone? You don’t think twice… do you?
I recently took a poll of 66 Millennials of whom 49% were men, 51% were women and 90% were straight (6% gay and 4% bi). I politely asked them:
Which of the below do you consider sex?
- Vaginal
- Anal
- Oral
- Fingering/Handjob
- Masturbation
- Toy
- Other (Please specify)
Some of the results weren’t interesting:
- 100% said P in V
- 88% said in the backdoor
Vag is pretty obvious. By definition, coitus is sexual intercourse between a man and a woman involving the insertion of a penis into a vagina – according to the American Heritage Dictionary of the English Language (via dictionary.com).
Anal is definitely a different story. Though anal sex is not your traditional type of sex, it’s been around for ages. Where do you think the term doing it the “Greek way” originated from?
Now, some of the results were interesting:
- 35% considered oral as sex
- 10% said fingering/handjob
- 3% said playing by yourself
- 7% considered using props as sex
- 1 person said bestiality
- 1 said mutual masturbation
- And, no joke, 1 respondent said “When my girlfriend puts on her leather mask, ties me up to the bed and throws 2000 grapes at my buttcheeks,” and put a disturbing, yet intriguing, visual in my head. I have my suspicions as to who you are, but I’ll brush this one off for now, Glenn.
The numbers are low, but it may say something about us. What IS sex? What makes you a virgin, and what’s enough to consider your cherry popped?
What I’m suggesting is that, to Gen-Y, sex may be more of an experience than a physical act. If two gay men were gay from the womb and serendipitously found each other, are they still virgins even if they’ve engage in oral and/or anal sex? If two lesbians were in the same situation, are they still virgins even if they’ve performed oral, fingered and/or pulled out (pun-intended) the strap-on?
What about a girl or guy who’s waiting for marriage and instead decides anything but vaginal is fair game. Do you think God will say, “Yeah, I guess you’re not sinning.” Well, no one speaks for Him, but I hope you see where I’m going with this.
Gen-Y may not have it right according to Merriam-Webster, but Millennials may be starting a trend where traditional barriers and conventional definitions of sex are slowly breaking down.
Regardless of what sex is, it’s apparent that each subsequent generation has slowly drawn back the curtain on sex. It’s less taboo to us than it is to our parents; and the same is true with our parents and theirs. Who knows what our children will think?
I’ll take this same poll in the next couple decades and let you know. Maybe Seth McFarlane’s onto something.
Author: Eugene Kim – My name’s Eugene. I’m an account guy at Mullen. I love seeing how brands manifest their image via consumers, and I’m curious about the way advertising influences consumer behavior and curious about advertising’s greater effect on the economy and our everyday lives. On the side, I drink (vodka and coffee), row and enjoy all food. I’m a biologist and fine artist by trade.
So excited you posted about this too – I've been thinking about Gen Y and sex and how we communicate about it (http://imathinkingwoman.blogspot.com/2010/02/wr…) and think it's fascinating. Can I say that I love how casual the writing in this post is? And that I think its important for the preservation of sexual rights that people talk about sexual activities of all kinds with the same kind of attitude?
Am I too excited about this?
I'm most interested in the sex-as-sin comment you made. Especially as it applies to the basic concept of virginity especially, and how men have pressure to not be vrigins where, in some societies, women are valued by their virginity so it becomes very important what counts and what doesn't.
But, what counts and what doesn't count as sex matters zero when you're talking about STIs, which are still being contracted at high rates across the US.
Which is why Gen Y should keep talking about sex and drawing back that curtain!
Thanks for posting this and sharing your findings. I think it's important to talk about sex as openly as possible and redefining the boundaries of definitions and stereotypes.
In comparison to some of the other articles this week, I found myself wondering what was the point of yours? To show data that will compel me to think differently or was it to raise questions never asked before?
I wish there was more than just “but Millennials may be starting a trend where traditional barriers and conventional definitions of sex are slowly breaking down.” For many of us this is not a trend anymore, but reality, the definitions have been broken and traditional barriers put aside. Gen Y is much more aware and liberal in the way we talk about and experience sex. “to Gen-Y, sex may be more of an experience than a physical act.” The funny thing is that sex will always be a physical act and experience, may be more physical for some and less experiential for others, but still either way it's in our nature to take it the way we want to. For me the fact that we have the options/freedom to take it either way is the biggest difference between us and the generation of our parents. Sex is not a taboo anymore. Our life styles and the exposure(via the media) we have to sex in all its shapes, forms and experiences only makes us more free to decide what kind of sex to have with which partner without even thinking twice about it. For our generation and the ones after us the lines between what's considered sex are certainly blurred out. The traditional way of thinking that sex can be defined in categories is no longer valid – we know that we can get sex at any point and time with or without a partner. We are digital creatures, today besides everything else there is also cyber sex something our parents only thought existed in sci-fi books. I'm no longer tied to the traditional boundaries of where and how I have sex. I can get an orgasm with my partner even if he/she is out of town or in the other room, not to mention who cares about a partner when there is no time for such. Sex can be equally gratifying experience, both physically and intimatelly, regardles of the time, place or method.
“I recently took a poll of 66 Millennials of whom 49% were men, 51% were women and 90% were straight (6% gay and 4% bi).” 90% straight?! Well would it be fair to say then this is mostly the opinions of straight people? The bigger question for me is: does sexual orientation play a factor in how our generation defines sex? Aren't we more open and tolerant than our parents when it comes to that? Being bi is considered normal for many of my peers, how does this effect the way we define sex that is different from what my parents might think?
And what about the ones after us – tweens are more sexually aware than we've ever been, sexting is just a thing everybody does, 1st, 2nd, 3rd base are well defined way before they even have sex. Having the talk is no longer a one time option for parents, but an ongoing dialog that starts as early as 5. How are we going to break the rules and definitions when we are faced with the way we talk to our children about sex?
I watched a show last year, where Oprah had a guest who gave tweem moms advice how to talk to their daughters about sex, and for the first time ever everything this woman said actually made sense to me. She talked about: being able to satisfy yourself as supposed to relying on a partenr to satisfy you; being able to communicate what you want as supposed to wondering how to escape from certain situations; how big the role of self-esteem and confidence is in todays culture; how we, the younger generations approach sex and how we handle taboos such as mastrubation and personal boundaries… See here http://www.oprah.com/oprahshow/Dr-Laura-Berman-… or read here: http://www.oprah.com/relationships/Download-Dr-…
So, your question is how does Gen Y define sex? I'd say there is no one definition, but in the now, all the time or whenever, with immediate gratification, with a long term boyfriend/girlfriend or super casual, in the dark or out for everyone to see, with or without a partner, digital, traditional or kinky, with same sex partners or simply why not attitude, alone or with a loved one, at school, or no time for sex, abstinence and pledges or simply enjoying it every possible time whenever, however, with whomever we want to.
The question for me is not how do we define sex, but how do we mature with sex, where do we go with it and how do we use it in our fast-paced lives, relationships and most of all our culture and social interactions. Is it just a thing we do that differentiates us or does it bring us closer as human beings who crave attention, satisfaction and new experiences?
I don't think Gen Y are sexual pioneers at all. Yes, our generation is in the midst of a very slow process of accepting and understanding homosexual sex, but as far as heterosexual sex is concerned I don't think we're really any different than couples in the 12th century. Definitions of sex really haven't changed that much, and even if they have changed a little, I wouldn't go so far as to say that it has anything to do with our generation. We are just a product of the time period we're living in.
I think the more interesting point is that since homosexual sex is more openly discussed now than in previous generations, we [Gen Y] are more likely to include homosexual acts in the definition of “having sex”.
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It's good to know through surveys on how much is the sexual capacity and approach of those different people.I'm surprised that they mostly like the oral sex.I think they used to the same old sex styles and they want to try something different yet good to feel.
The “2000 grapes” respondent took that monologue from a Tracy Morgan-Jimmy Kimmel interview in 2007. Funny nonetheless.