Love may be colorblind, but others aren’t

Interracial Couples: Is anything wrong with this picture?

It is 2010, and eyes dare not spare my girlfriend and me whenever we are seen in public holding hands. This happens for an unfortunate, yet obvious reason— she is white and I am black.

Although I have come to disregard the on-lookers and sometimes subtle (and not-so-subtle) mockers, my psyche never fails to ponder interracial dating in society—the qualms, progress made, and changes in attitudes yet to be made.

Recent reports released by the Pew Research center show that almost all Millennials accept interracial dating and marriage.  In fact, 85% of Millennials say they would be fine with a member of their family getting married to someone of a different race.

According to the report, “the gap between Millennials and other age groups is evident,” with the gap for certain racial groups more apparent.

No doubt, this statistic has an eye-catching nature to it. One can look at such data, breathe out with a sigh of relief, and exclaim: “We live in a post-racial America, where love is color blind.”  If only the reality were as simple as the statistic.

When it comes to statistical analysis of sensitive topics like racial relations, I am a skeptic because these are issues that have an overarching societal response attached to them, which make deviating from the accepted answers frowned upon or unlikely.

Since the abolition of slavery and segregation laws, attitudes seen as racist or prejudicial have been deemed taboo (rightly so). This has led to a situation whereby racial discrimination is only expressed subtly in the forms of glances, inside jokes, drunken sincerity and unspoken thoughts, not openly or on psychoanalytic questionnaires.

So for this purpose, I will tender the research findings with a pinch of salt and rely on my own personal sociological observations. And it is important to say, there is still a lot to be done in terms of perceptions and genuine acceptance of interracial dating.

On both sides of the color spectrum, the bigotry exists. I remember when my relationship became known to my friends, one of my black female acquaintances asked me the question: “why a white girl?” If only she had stopped there. She then called me “a sellout.”

Since when did fulfilling the mantra of Dr. Martin Luther King’s “I have a dream” speech become an act of betrayal?  And it wasn’t just her. These were the same sentiments I observed in the gazes of on-lookers.

The stares of white on-lookers usually possess a different sentimental content—more of a “has she lost her mind?” kind of look.  This is an notion expressed by all races and all age groups – even Millennials.

In as much as we try not to make the difference in race an issue in our relationship, society doesn’t allow that– the scrutiny, media buzz and anonymous blog comments all contribute.

That’s not to say that we don’t have cultural differences that originate from our racial backgrounds. I was born and raised in Nigeria. Rather than amplify a mere difference in skin color, we appreciate the joy of diversity and learn from each other. In fact, we see this as one of the perks we can enjoy that people from similar backgrounds cannot.

I am not skeptical of the fact that in regards to racism, major progress has been made. Once upon a time, interracial dating was illegal. But the finish line remains far off.

I envision a day when I can take a walk on the beach with my girlfriend and not get stared down;  a day when everyone would see us as just two people in love and not a white female dating a black male.

When I look at her, I don’t see my white girlfriend. No. I see a woman whom I deeply love and appreciate.

Image by Mike Licht