A first date (or two) is always a bit like a job interview. Sweaty palms. Rehearsed answers. Semi-interrogative questioning. And, just like more and more employers these days, what do we do after (or even before) this “interview”?
Facebook stalk, of course.
Because obviously Facebook is the only true representation of a person’s personality, interests, educational background, physical characteristics and moral code.
Facebook stalking for the purpose of getting to know someone seems silly if you think about it too much. Try this for a litmus test: go look at the Facebook page for one of your friends that you met pre-social media takeover. Is it a totally accurate representation of them? What about your own? Didn’t think so.
Facebook ruined dating. Kind of.
On the one hand, the site causes neurosis, over-analysis, obsession and all things that stomp any fledgling relationship to death. On the other hand, it also makes it harder for lies, cheating and deceit, perhaps forcing stray-prone partners into submission.
Yet despite its drawbacks, I see more and more people running to Facebook to find out if that guy they met at a party on Friday is a Prince Charming or a total d-bag — but you can’t rely too heavily on Facebook.
For example, say you came across my Facebook profile. At first glance, you’d probably think I’m a journalism nerd with a penchant for sarcasm and a love of peace signs — which is accurate. However, did you also know that in between playing mindless Facebook games and reading The New York Times, I also work 16-hour days, teach English to immigrant children and watch a lot of hockey (Go Devils!)?
Even though a first date might seem like a job interview, it’s not. You don’t need to know everything about a person the minute you meet them. Half the fun is finding that stuff out. Relationships can be flexible based on who’s in them; jobs, most of the time, cannot.
Facebook is just the one side of a person they’re comfortable putting in a public domain. My profile most closely represents my journalism interests because that’s what I want to put out there — that’s what I want to do with my life.
You can’t judge a book by its cover, and you can’t judge a person by their Facebook. You’re not an employer. You don’t need to make a rash decision on a date just because that girl down the hall’s favorite movie is “Gili” or the smart guy you met in philosophy class posted a status at 4 a.m. that said, “Soooooooooo hungryyyyy. Gotta get munchiessss.” Maybe he was just hungry, or she thinks Ben Afleck is cute. You never know.
So give that guy or girl a chance. Facebook can’t replace a person-to-person connection, and if you’re Facebook stalking them, you obviously felt something.
That said, I find something very creepy (and potentially un-datable) when someone doesn’t have a Facebook profile. What are you hiding?
Photo by English106
[...] Here’s a link to my first post called “Facebook: A Resume for Love?” [...]
I find that once potential suitors read my facebook profile – they suddenly stop talking to me… not sure why, but I pretty much have nothing to hide, so it's all there on my facebook profile. Hmm … maybe I should be more coy and mysterious on the interwebs.
“Facebook is just the one side of a person they’re comfortable putting in a public domain.”
Have you seen some of the shit people put on Facebook? If they are that comfortable putting that out in public, what the hell kind of freak show goes on behind the scenes?
You can absolutely judge from Facebook.
If your photo section is full of pictures of you absolutely smashed, I am going to assume that you love to get wasted. That may or may not be true, but that is definitely what you want people to think. At the very least, you're okay with people thinking it.
So you don't want that new, pretty, and seemingly very interesting girl from down the hall to think you're a train wreck drunk? Don't have a bunch of pictures of you sweating scotch with your shirt half unbuttoned in a bar all over your Facebook.
Facebook is like a state-run news organization in a communist country. You can control damn near EVERYTHING that is on there about you.
If you're dumb enough to load it up with inappropriate pictures, status updates (the ones where people cry about their lives are the worst), and comments, then you can, will, and deserve to be judged. You can't present yourself online as one thing and then profess to be something else in actuality. That makes you full of shit.
I personally choose not to have Facebook. What am I hiding? Nothing. Does the girl that moved away in 8th grade who just friended me need to know that I enjoy the blues or that I'm grateful for my family and friends? No, she doesn't. I don't care if the people from high school and college who I don't keep up with know that I went to the beach for vacation. There's a reason I don't call or text them.
If someone new wants to get to know me, they're going to have to talk to me; geeking out behind a computer screen doesn't cut it.
holy lord driest thing i've ever read.
I mostly agree with you. If I wasn't trying to burst into the media scene I would NOT have a Facebook.
I agree with most of your ideas above. I agree, you really shouldn't judge a person by their facebook profile, and half the fun IS finding out what they're like.
That said, I choose not to have a facebook profile because I waste too much time on there. Don't discount someone just because they're not on facebook. It's about choosing where to spend your energy.
Mazarine
I feel you on that.
I thought I had a career all lined up in a field where any sort of public online presence is generally frowned upon. But, that fell through, and I have since had to try and incorporate some social media into my life as I try and put my advertising degree to use.
A necessary evil, I suppose.
I think you just have to be comfortable with what you put on Facebook, and understand that an internet profile will never tell the whole story. Facebook is all about aspirational personality; they'll put things up that they want other people to see (even if their profile is all kegstand pictures and drunk status updates, deep down they want others to see it). It would be dangerous to use Facebook to completely gauge who a person is…a savvy, smart person will use it to boost their public profile, but will also hide their bad traits, neuroses, and any other aspects of their personalities that they consider negative.
I think you're on to something calling it a “love resume.” Regardless of what people say, a lot of resume writing is puffery and telling little white lies (or bigger lies) that get you in the door for an interview. I also definitely agree that interviewing is like a first date (I find that job fairs are like bad speed dating).
Tom Miesen
@tmiesen