People are not cars: My take on the world of online dating

Hopefuls across the country, from 18-year-olds to those as old as fifty or sixty, are resorting to online matchmaking to find the “one.”

Dating and meeting potential significant others have been difficult tasks since the beginning of time. However, in the 21^st century, and more specifically in the United States where we are a country of dreamers, we still hope that the one perfect person is out there somewhere, and in the digital age, what better way to find them than online?

In theory, users of these sites are supposed to be looking for more serious relationships, or even marriage. Each contender promises to be fed up with the bar/club scene and how he/she wants to finally meet someone “real.” And it is a good, honest question: where are we supposed to meet people these days?

Let’s say, you’re in your late twenties or early thirties, you’re ready to settle down, but you’re consumed by the career you spent years building and you can’t be bothered to fight through the rampant promiscuity of a bar. So then what? Online dating seems like the perfect solution. Those people are utilizing the services, but they are tragically outnumbered by the socially awkward and/or insatiable.

Typically, it is still the norm for men to seek and stalk their prey. But that concept does not fare well for the men who are socially inept. Online dating sites give them a Rolodex of women to scan through, all just a click away. He can send 20 to 30 e-mails in under ten minutes, and odds are someone will respond. But once you meet him, he’s just that awkward guy who’s just as afraid of you as he would be had you actually met at bar. If only you had advance warning!

As for the socially insatiable, the Internet sites are just another bar. It’s possible to set up a date/meeting seven nights a week with little to no effort, all from the comfort of your living room. You can kiss a whole lot of toads because, like a bar fling, there is no obligation to pursue anyone beyond the initial encounter, especially since there are thousands more disposable dates just another click away. Serious daters are definitely the minority.

All of this begs the question, why do we do it this way?

Online communication has advanced some since the days of AIM and chat rooms, considering the new social networks encourage users to be honest about finding a soul mate for a low $40 a month, but there is still no rule preventing liars. Thus, people more often utilize pictures and attempt to take more precautions.

Instinctively, we all look at the pictures first when scanning through our online bar to ensure that he/she is attractive before moving a single click or scroll forward. When performing filtered searches, there is even an option to rule out all of the potential candidates without photos. But, of course, pictures can be deceiving and are not a full-proof method of judging someone’s physical appearance.

Even if the person has ten nice visuals, one cannot feel chemistry through a computer screen. This is a huge flaw in the online dating system. We not only have to trust our eyes over our guts, but suddenly even the nicest people become highly judgmental in this environment. Each person scrutinizes profile after profile as if they’re a judge on America’s Next Top Model.

Then, if the potential passes the attractive test, we scroll down for specs. They are no longer people but cars: height, body type, eye/hair color. After passing test number two, the reader will skim through the bio looking for any other potential deal-breakers. Now that this person is genetically pleasing, let’s see what they could possibly have to say. A person that you’ve never met before can judge your career, income, political and religious views without ever even having to wink at you or sidle up to buy you drink.

Meeting people the old-fashioned way, not necessarily at a bar, but in person nonetheless, gives us the ability to utilize our instincts. You might meet someone in person that is not particularly attractive on paper, is not your type, etc., but something about them draws you in, which is a physical impossibility online.

Therefore we accidentally discount those that may deserve a chance had we met under better circumstances. Meeting in person gives chemistry and personality a chance to shine.  It doesn’t mean there will necessarily be success but it’s a better foot forward. We are not a list of statistics; people are not cars.

Photo by herbstkind