Slaying the Dragon of Travel Fear
By Kristen Jeffers
The arch of a wing, the roar of a V6 engine, the door chime of the Washington, D.C. metro.
These sights and sounds raise an incredible excitement in my mind, body and soul. Yet, when it comes to taking the wheel, stepping off the platform or buckling in my seatbelt for takeoff alone, the excitement morphs into the Dragon of Travel Fear.
Part of this fear stems from the relationship I have with my family. Like so many others, I live at home, and my mom’s opinions are valuable – especially since she’s currently my primary landlord and bank and holds the note on my car.
I knew that to be able to finally see the places I’d imagined, the Dragon of Travel Fear had to die. So did my fears of failing Mom and destroying some of the property she owns.
Round one of slaying the Dragon began in 2006. At the age of 20, I was to fly from Charlotte to Tallahassee, Fla., to attend a summer program at Florida State University. This was not only my first solo flight – it was my first flight ever.
I always loved airports, but when the day came to get on the plane, all I could think about was it crashing, me dying and never seeing my parents again. I also thought the plane would feel like a roller coaster and that my ear drums were going to pop out with the change in pressure.
US Airways was gracious enough to let my parents accompany me to the gate, and I had the trusty Big Bird stuffed animal I’ve carried since the crib sitting next to me on the plane. I buckled us in, and 30 minutes later, we were on the ground in Tallahassee.
I could hear, and I felt like I was on a glider.
But the Dragon had yet to be conquered. The time came to attend the MPA Accepted Students’ Day at American University in D.C., and I’d made arrangements to stay with a hometown friend in the city. Flights were going to be expensive, and although I’d never driven anywhere past Raleigh or Charlotte (about an hour and a half each way) alone, driving the five and a half hours would save me lots of money.
No problem. I tuned up my car and made sure my AAA Carolinas membership was current.
Then Mom and I had an argument about me going alone the night before I left. She tried to talk my cousin into riding shotgun, but we couldn’t reach her. That’s when my stomach started a slow churn, one that wouldn’t stop completely until I got back to Greensboro two days later. I canceled my lodging plans with my friend and checked into the Hyatt Arlington for a bargain basement price of $75. I knew if I parked my car in Arlington, it would be safe. Plus, I spared my friend from listening to me barf my brains out after the program (true story).
All I could hear in my head was my mom, worried and yelling about me being crazy for going so far alone. I knew she saw the 1990’s D.C. murder rates and imagined me slain in the street. And what if my car was stolen or something really did happen to me? I felt it best that I take some precautions with my car and myself.
Despite my weaknesses and fears, including a torrential rainstorm on I-95 in Richmond that gave me even more shakes, I had an awesome time. When I parked my car in the hotel garage in Arlington and walked to CVS and Quiznos for fresh air, food and a SmarTrip card, I could see the Dragon retreating.
The following morning, I had the best brunch ever with my hometown friend (and it was organic!) at Busboys and Poets, and I even made an impromptu stop at Union Station to grab a cherry blossom festival t-shirt and an Au Bon Pain pound cake. I fell asleep with my headphones on in the metro just like a regular D.C. resident, and when I needed shades on the way home, I stopped at a random Target.
As I slid into the NC Welcome Center, I did a bit of a happy dance and called home.
Dragon slayed.
This is the exact type of story that gives Gen Y’ers a bad rep.
“Part of this fear stems from the relationship I have with my family. Like so many others, I live at home, and my mom’s opinions are valuable – especially since she’s currently my primary landlord and bank and holds the note on my car.”
Your “relationship” with your family and your mom’s opinion aren’t what’s holding you back from anything. It’s a lack of confidence, lack of maturity and overall incompetence as an adult that has prevented you from traveling and, more importantly, prevented you from having your own residence, bank account or vehicle. You need to cut the cord, Kristen. You’re holding yourself back from valuable life experience and travel is only the tip of the iceberg. Don’t become another New York Times kid stereotype (http://www.nytimes.com/2010/07/07/business/economy/07generation.html?_r=2&src=me&ref=homepage_)
Learning to travel is a good start, but it’s going to take a lot more than a stuffed animal to achieve independence.
Kaitlin, I think you’re being a bit harsh, but ultimately I agree. I applaud anyone who can overcome such fears, although it saddens me that anyone could have this fear in the first place.
As someone who grew up not too far away from Philadelphia and NYC, and now has lived in Boston for 5 years, fear of the “Big City” seems laughable to me. Although, being in the middle of the woods in silence is one of the more terrifying scenarios in my mind. Logic usually doesn’t have a place in irrational fears.
Still, I think the point is to realize that the fear of cities or traveling actually are *irrational* fears. Statistics prove that airplane travel is still the safest mode of travel. Yes, crime happens sometimes in cities, but you can usually recognize sketchy areas and identify less than reputable characters. Whatever Mom may say, if you’re anywhere with a Target and an Au Bon Pain, you should be fine.
Kristen, I’m not sure if your dragon has been slayed just yet, but your progress so far is great. Keep pushing your boundaries and don’t let your mom scare you!!
I’m going to give Kristen a little bit more credit than I think she’s giving herself. Maybe that’s because I know her, and both times I’ve met her she’s driven over an hour to meet complete strangers.
I think what Kristen is trying to do is tell a story of how she overcame her fear of traveling alone earlier in her life (5 years ago, because I’m pretty sure she’s 25 or so now). I’m actually surprised she ever had trouble traveling away from home because she comes off as completely independent, spontaneous, and ready to get in the car and go whenever she needs to.
Now yes, 20 does seem a little late in life to be finding independence, but I think everyone takes life at a different pace.
For me, this was never an issue because at 16 I went on a tour of Italy with a group, by 18 I backpacked around Switzerland for 2 weeks alone with my little sister & then promptly moved 400 miles away from home for college. By 19 I moved to Italy for 6 months not knowing what to expect at all. And yes, I was incredibly frustrated when my boyfriend at 19 years old wasn’t trusted enough (by his parents) to drive from Pittsburgh to North Carolina to visit my family for spring break. And then was continually frustrated when he was too scared to fly to Italy to visit me when I was living abroad. I couldn’t fathom how someone at the same age could still be so far behind me in terms of independence and confidence.
People are just different. Parents are different, environments are different, friends are different, personalities are different. I don’t think Kristen is generalizing to all of Gen Y, but sharing her particular experience.
I give her props for being vulnerable.
I am being a bit harsh and I apologize (in advance) for directing it at you, Kristen, and for using you as an example. It’s something that needs to be said to a lot of the TNGG community (and Gen Y overall) and I couldn’t let it go without being said on this particular article that so proudly waves the “I live off of my parents” flag. My harsh-ness (not a real word?) isn’t directed at you as a person as I know every individual has a different circumstance… It’s an overall frustration with the manifestation of negative Gen Y stereotypes on TNGG recently and the need for a voice to say that we’re not all priveleged 20-something’s with no concept of independence or work ethic. I can’t tell you how to live your life, but I can tell you that the great pride you got from being able to travel on your own will only be amplified as you grow more independent.
I will go with Kaitlin on this one. Nothing against Kristen, it just happened that this discussion started on her post, but this touches upon the larger issue that Gen Y is criticized for not being mature and independent enough.
I am tired of hearing Baby Boomers and Gen X-ers referring to us as lazy slackers who just take the easy route and move in with their parents and wait for a job to grow on a tree or fall from the sky. I used to blame our parents for letting us be so dependent on them because that is how they raised us. But lately I’ve read so many blogs from Gen Y-ers who don’t see anything wrong with being so dependent and it seems that all these negative stereotypes (or myths as I call them) are true and it is really sad.
Of course, everyone is different and there are people like Carlee who are very independent, but it seems that independent Millennials are the exception, not the rule. I am very proud with my Millennial status and typing this last sentence wasn’t easy, but…
Kaitlin, can I just ask how you got the “I live off my parents and like it” vibe from this? And from other recent stories? If anything, I’d say I get the the opposite vibe, especially after Kristen’s comment below (student loan debt, having to stay close to home due to an injury (and Kristen, I really hope your dad’s recovery is going well)).
Is it from the car thing? I had a car loan from my parents, too — I had just graduated and a) didn’t have the credit necessary to take a loan with a band and b) didn’t want to pay the interest on a loan with a bank. I was fortunate enough to have parents who would and could lend me the money. I also lived at home for a while, but it wasn’t because I wanted to mooch — I had a minimum wage retail job and was desperately searching for anything that was a step up, but I couldn’t afford it. But I was eager to get out, and I did when I could. I suppose that’s a luxury, having my parents let me back into the house after college — but if that’s the biggest luxury you’re seeing out of this article, I need to tell you about some people I know around here…
He’s doing a lot better, sometimes he stutters and stumbles around, but thankfully he has his own personal RN in my stepmom. Katlin did apologize, but when you look at the story without my addition, it does seem like there’s a lot of privilege. There is, but I look at everything I have as a blessing and also another kick in the pants to do better. Also, when I do have a job, I am responsible for all but rent and I have to do household chores (including hand washing the dishes).
Hey everyone, just to clear up a couple of things. I really wish with all of my heart I could move away from home for good. I actually did live on campus as a student at NC State in Raleigh (1.5 hours from home in Greensboro for 3.5 years, then transitioned into an apartment and the rough 2008 job market, along with some millennial swagger that resulted into me losing jobs and having no choice but to move back home.
Fast forward 20 months to now. I currently attend UNC-Greensboro on a graduate assistanship. I wanted to go on to American, but sitting on $80,000 of debt on top of the $13,000 I still owe the student loan companies and my mom for my car is not smart in any economy. I have a plan in place now to pay off my student loans and car, then make the final step to move away from home for good and be completely debt-free.
The paragraph in question was added to tie my experiences back into “common” millenial stereotypes. However, what I didn’t have time to address in the original article was the notion of culture and how that plays into my experience.
I know many people who have parents move in with them due to sickness. In April, I was faced with that situation when my dad nearly died in a car wreck and suffered tramatic brain damage. Miraculously, he’s able to live on his own, but we didn’t know what would happen or if he’d ever walk or speak again. Obviously, that experience grew me up in ways no travel experience could. Also, if it were not for the support of my family, that I appear to be too close too, I would have had no where to turn.
I think if you asked a lot of Millienials, they would agree that they would like to have their parents off of their backs, especially those who disagree with some lifestyle desicions. I work my hardest every day to change the situation I’m in. Hence why I got on the plane and in the car in the first place.
Fear never completely goes away, but you can learn how to control it.