We’re Screwed

I have had a lot of sex.

I’ve banged. I’ve fucked. But in my five years of sexual activity, I think I’ve only “made love” once or twice, even with a three-year relationship under my belt. And I’m not alone.

But why?

The failed economy, our high-interest student loans, our stressful job hunt and our drive to be the best all mix together to become the biggest, most epic libido killer of all time. Some even believe that we need emotional Viagra, or our “midlife crisis is going to be a doozy.”

It’s no secret that Generation Y is the most sex-educated (no thanks to the government), most sexually aware and most sexually experimental generation, well, ever.

Like our parents’ generation, we’re open to our sexualities — oral sex is no big deal, we can wax poetic on different forms of birth control, and we know all about HPV vaccines, countless sex positions and all the new sex toys. But we know about the potential repercussions (like the threat of HIV/AIDS), and we get tested for STDs. And because we know how to be safe, we have a lot of sex.

The thing is, though, we just have sex. A majority of Millennials don’t partake in “love making”– they bang. Ohh, ahh, oh yeahhhhh — and we’re done.

I’ve been thinking a lot about this lately, ever since I started seeing press for Hephzibah Anderson’s new book Chastened: The Unexpected Story of My Year Without Sex. Her story of consciously abstaining from sex for a year got me thinking (and subsequently Googling) about how Gen Y feels about our sex lives.

(Watch the video here.)

I explained this to a friend, and he said, “So don’t have sex for a year like that woman, and that’s your emotional Viagra, right?”

Not quite.

While I think that Anderson’s experiment was inspiring, and what she discovered about herself can only be a good thing, I just don’t think it can work for us. We’re so busy getting off on job success and networking opportunities that I doubt we’d notice if sex was only coming from our trusty five-fingered friend.

So what do we do?

Do we get off Facebook and Twitter in an attempt to forge real-life, real-world relationships? Not likely. Do we drop an internship in favor of a social life? Absolutely not; the job market is the worst it’s ever been. Do we scatter rose petals all over the floor, light some scented candles and convince our next sexual partner to feign “love making.” Nope — awkward.

Basically, Millennials won’t achieve steady, meaningful sex until we achieve success and have fulfilled all our goals. We have priorities, and they don’t really involve sex at all. We’re focused on success in life, not in the bedroom.  We’ll have emotional sex on a regular basis — just give us another 10 years.

Until then, we’re  just screwed. Literally.