Millennials are young, (mostly) single, and have no intentions of settling down (yet)…but it’s not our fault.
We grew up being told that we could be anything we wanted to be. We could go to any college, we could choose any career, we could marry whomever we wanted; the sky was the limit. This freedom, however, seems to be the reason that many Millennials are waiting longer to tie the knot and not simply settling for that cool guy across the bar with the PBR and skinny jeans.
Ladies, ever wonder why that perfect guy who took you out on that perfect date never called you back? Gentleman, begging to know why the cute girl in your Shakespeare seminar never Facebook friended you?
It’s not you, it’s us.
Seriously. This is for real.
Generation Y was riddled with options from day one, from what language to study in school, which friends to have, which books to read, and even what cereal to eat. We’ve been spoiled. And now, as we’re graduating from college and high school and preparing to embark into the high-interest-student-loan, unemployed “real world,” our options are narrowing, so we’re keeping them open in other places — our relationships. It’s a subconscious balancing act.
This is called the “Choice Effect,” and it’s lead Millennials to become overwhelmed by options when it comes to choosing a romantic mate, leading to a decrease in early marriage and an increase in friends with benefits, one night stands and casual trysts. It’s a theory based on the “Paradox of Choice,” where more is less when it comes to options — too many options just cause confusion and hinder decision making.
Ten years ago, two researchers set up booths in a California grocery store so shoppers could sample jelly. One some days there would be 24 different samples, and on others there would be only six. They found that while the booth was more crowded with eager taste-testers on the 24-sample day, more people actually decided to buy the jelly on the six-sample day.
It’s just like Millennial dating.
We go to a bar or a club and sampl
e so many kinds of jelly that we can’t possibly choose which one to take home, so we’ll just come back tomorrow, sample again, and then try to decide. It’s a vicious cycle. But it makes sense — why should we settle for one kind of jelly when there’s millions of kinds in the world and we want to try them all before we make a decision?
While we’re starting to narrow the focus on our professional lives (picking majors, choosing graduate programs, picking a job), we’re expanding the focus of our personal lives. We’re no longer cheerleader-jock, goth girl-punk boy, nerd-nerdette couples. The cheerleader is sampling her chemistry with the nerd while the jock is dancing with the goth girl in the back of the club. The nerd is dissing the cheerleader to experiment with the goth girl (or maybe even the punk boy). The combinations are endless, and we’re living it up.
“You can’t buy the cow unless you taste the milk” is suddenly very, very true — except we don’t just want to try the milk, we want to try all milk (skim, 2 percent, condensed, whole, powdered) and its dairy-filled byproducts.
Photo by justmakeit (top) and Lester Public Library (bottom)
I’m quite surprised by all of those facts about the millennials waiting so long to tie the knot. I wonder if our parents taking care of us through college and beyond (financially and otherwise) has to do with our reluctance to “settle down.” Getting married means taking responsibility not only for your own life but for the lives of your partner and future offspring (should you choose to have them). It means compromising and sacrificing and not a lot of millennials have learned that yet, because a lot of them are still living off their parent’s credit card, health insurance . It means having to plan for the future and millenials, like you said, are living it up in the moment. Very, very interesting & inspiring ideas being brought up, Caitlin, thanks!
PS: For the sake of contributing data, I’m a happily married millennial!
I often have this problem with breakfast cereal… and everything else these days. There are just too many choices all around, not just in dating.
But for this problem specifically, I find that, like everything else, having a moderate, yet well-rounded pool to choose from generally gets positive results. Hehe.