Omigawd …?

There’s not much I believe in.

It hurts to say, but it’s marginally true, and I feel like it stands for most of this generation. Most of us are either disillusioned by the faiths shoved down our throats as young wunderkinds or too fiercely independent to rely too heavily on a 2,000- year-old book that casts you into eternal flame for eating shellfish.

It seems that every generation had some kind of “faith” system to call their own. The Beatniks had Jack Kerouac and Allen Ginsberg. The Boomers had Wavy Gravy, Timothy Leary or in extreme cases, the Weather Underground. Even Generation Xers had Tetris, PacMan and Ronald Reagan’s jelly beans.

What do Millennials have to believe in?

I’ve been asking myself this for the past few weeks. “Maybe,” I mused, “Gen. Y could believe in Love…” That didn’t seem right. Most of us are focused on Gaggles and non-dates more-so than love. The majority of our fantasy quota is spent lusting after the perfect job rather than the perfect partner. Carrie Bradshaw would be appalled.

I grappled with a few other alternatives. Perhaps we believe in Quentin Tarantino, Fruit Roll-ups or MTV? Divine faith in Starbucks? Godly obsession with Harry Potter?

No. No. No. Those options are all too commercial. While I don’t think I’ve come up with the Family Feud “Good Answer” I may have uncovered some legitimate options that we as a generation can believe in, to you know, restore our faith in humanity and all that junk:

• WikiLeaks–Not since Bob Woodward and Carl Bernstein cracked Watergate has a media-minded individual done so much for America–and he’s not even American! The witch hunt for Julian Assange, along with threats to put him back behind bars for enlightening the public to what our government is doing with our money, is on. Sure, for what Assange lacks in classic good looks he makes up for in awkwardness and questionable abilities to construct a dating profile, but he’s made huge strides for journalism. He’s provided important documents to journalists that the government likes to keep hidden even though they pose no threat to “national security.” The government likes to ignore the Freedom of Information Act but they can’t anymore. Assange may have saved investigative and watchdog journalism from the fiery pits of WordPress blogs and Internet pundits. That’s something we can endorse.

• Lady Gaga–She bit Santa’s head off. She coined the best penis euphemism of all time (OF ALL TIME, Kanye!), and she is unapologetically avante garde while still being incredibly badass and crazysexycool. Momma Monster is the Renaissance woman of the 21st century and Millennials are obsessed. She’s the contemporary equivalent of Dada and surrealist art. Plus, Elton John loves her and he’s a knight! More importantly, Gaga reminds moody, mixed-up Millennials that we don’t need to chip away who we are in order to be successful. The reason we’re not getting jobs is because the job market sucks, not because of what we are or what we lack. Though I would refrain from wearing a lobster hat to work…just to be safe (be taken seriously?).

• Barack Obama–Yes, lately his campaign slogan has more closely resembled “Yes we caved!” than “Yes we can!” but we refuse to give up on our President just yet. We supported him in record numbers back in 2008 when he promised us the world–so he’s only given us half of the world–that’s still 100 percent more than Bush and we’ve taken this to heart–or at least we should. If we throw our support behind Obama we will be heard and we can make a difference (end of PSA). Think of voting like going to church. It should have the same gratification only less free wine and off-pitch singing.

• The Flying Spaghetti Monster–He flies, he’s spaghetti that looks like an octopus and let’s face it, there’s nothing more appealing than a huge plate of carbohydrates. Plus the whole concept of this “church” is snarky (a key Millennial characteristic) and if you ask me, a life without snark is not a life worth living.

• Ourselves–Enter the cliche, but it’s true. We’re the cockiest generation to ever grace this oxygenated planet. If nothing, we believe in ourselves and it’s a good thing. Our sense of self-confidence has led to our own creation story–on the fifth day Millennials said “Let there be me,” and they saw that it was good. We rebel against our parents, we scoff at societal norms…we even embrace our Millennial title as something kingly or stately. We’re a whole generation of Kanyes minus (hopefully) Taylorgate.