No Lie, It’s Lame: Not-So-Awesome 90s Inventions

If you consider knowing more than your parents about technology as one of your best qualities, you’re definitely a member of Gen Y. From Tamagotchis to Twitter, our tech obsession has continued to define us, decade after decade. As a generation of technological know-it-alls, though, we hate admitting we were wrong.

Almost 20 years later, I think it’s about time we collectively stepped up to the plate and owned up to our technology faults of the 90s.

On second thought, stay on your couch. I’ll do it for us.

Coolest Technology We Stood By in the 90s That Is Now Super Lame:

1. Beepers.“But Moooooooooooom, Kelly and Brian BOTH have pagers. I need one.” Thanks to my older cousins’ obsession with their beepers, my parents probably heard that pitiful whine every day for a year when I was six. I mean, c’mon how novel was it that you could walk away from your house phone and STILL have someone call you?

A decade later? YAWNNNN. I’ve got Skype on my laptop and iPad, not to mention my cell phone. I’m impossible NOT to get a hold of.

2. The Sims.  The computer version of “me” was seven feet tall and had… the curves of Barbie. She lived with her husband, named after my fourth grade crush, with a house full of fluffy poodles and she didn’t do anything but swim and wave to the neighbors.

While I still dream of that life (holla at me, Austin!), the computer version of me is now actually me. Thanks to Facebook, Twitter and every other social network out there, I can’t trick anyone, including myself, into believing I’m an Amazon housewife. Those were the days…

3. NBA Jam. Please don’t tell me I’m the only tomboy who was obsessed with this game. The grainy Super Nintendo versions of Michael Jordan and Charles Barkley were spot on. I may have never won a single game of HORSE on the court, but that SNES controller was designed for my puny fingers.

Imagine how much better my baller skills would have been in ’97 if I could have hydrated with a chilled pouch of Capri Sun while gaming. Have you ever played Wii? Yea, exactly. Please note, I school in Rock Band thanks to the hands-free capabilities Nintendo now offers.

4. Car Phones. Weighing in at a solid 1 lb. 8 oz. and spanning a staggering 11 inches in length, my dad’s car phone was truly a thing of beauty. For “emergencies” only, I still have not figured out to this day how a telephone could be powered by a cigarette lighter.

In the past 8 months alone, I’ve owned both an iPhone and a Blackberry.  My current phone now weighs a shockingly slim 5 oz., and I can safely claim it hasn’t ever been associated with any cigarette lighters (we’re both above the influence). The only emergency there would be if I lost it.

Didn’t that group therapy session feel great? It’s OK to admit: we were lame in the 90s. Hey, at least we’re making up for it now… Well, at least until something cooler comes along….

Lisa DeCanio I’m the living, breathing cliché of our generation: As long as I can remember, I’ve held a rectangular-shaped piece of technology in my hand, from my first GameBoy to my treasured iPhone. I’m environmentally conscious, skeptical about politics, and I tend to think it's all about me. But follow me on Twitter and find out how Gen Y and I are breaking stereotypes.

View all posts by Lisa DeCanio

9 Responses to “No Lie, It’s Lame: Not-So-Awesome 90s Inventions”

  1. Kayla Brown

    ummm desktop computers. If I can’t take it in the bathtub with me, I’ll have no part in it.

    LD, this had me literally laughing-out-loud at work, you Amazonian homemaking hipster, you!

    Oh, and the carphone thing always makes me think of ‘Romy and Michelle’s High School Reunion’ — “Does anyone need to make a call…?” Get’s me every time.

    Reply
    • Tom Bardacky

      AGREEDDDD. I spent many a weekend playing that instead of actually basketball.

      Reply
  2. Jaclyn

    WOW! great throwbacks. I wonder what the gen Z’s will be comparing their skype and facebook to?

    Reply
    • nita

      it going to be werid to be out of the loop or not being able to work gadets. i can barley work a nintendo DS!

      Reply

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