Haven’t Spoken to You in Five Years, But I Know What You Did Last Summer

Facebook has taken over the way we communicate. With the elimination of written letters and face-to-face interaction, peoples’ lists of e-friends are growing rapidly. It’s not weird to “friend” the guy you met last night at a party, or someone you happened to bump into at the local coffee shop. But it makes you wonder who your real friends are. If you check out your list of friends on Facebook, how many are people you actually call on a regular basis? And how many are people you haven’t talked to in five years? After checking out my own, I’ve come to the conclusion that you can pretty much narrow down your Facebook friends into five types:

1. Actual Friends

These are the people that you actually go out with on a Friday night. You know more about them than what’s on their Facebook profile and you’ve probably appeared in each others’ photo albums. If people were to look at your “Friendship Page”, chances are that they wouldn’t understand your posts to each other because they’re all inside jokes.

2. High school Friends

Chances are, you haven’t seen or spoken to this person (face-to-face at least) in over five years. You friend each other, curious to see what the other has been up to since you’ve parted ways. You laugh to yourself as you stalk them, noticing that they’re still living in the town where you grew up, got pregnant at 16 or gained the freshman 15. Just admit it: you love being friends with this person because it makes you feel better about yourself. Why else would you care about their life when your only interaction is a random “happy birthday, we should catch up soon” post

3. Mother

I’m going to take a guess here and say that 99.9% of you have this person on your “limited profile” list.  If this is the case, than chances are one of the following reasons is why you moved her there.

1. Your mother has posted the following (or something similar) on your wall—“To my beautiful daughter Betsy-boo, when are you coming home next? I miss your cute face sooooo much. You are just so special honey, never forget that. Your father and I love you lots. Can’t wait to hold you in our arms, we miss you so much our lil’ darlin’….”

2. Your mother has called you at 7 a.m. on a Sunday morning and left you the following voicemail (you’re too hungover to pick up): “Hi honey, it’s your mother calling. Just saw that mobile upload from last night that you put on Facebook.  Where were you? What was in that solo cup? Who was that guy standing next to you? What time did you get home? Call me back when you get this honey, don’t forget. I love you lots and lots.”

3. You log in to Facebook and have ten notifications. Your mother has “liked” everything on your wall. Literally, everything.

4.  People You Friended the Summer Before College

Think back to the months before you started freshman year of college. You’d log in to Facebook and check out the “Class of 2010” Facebook group. Then you’d go on a friending frenzy, adding everyone that was going to be living in your dorm with you. You arrived on campus, spoke all of three sentences to these people, then never spoke another word. You’d see them at parties over the next three years, all the time being able to recite where they were last weekend, if they were in a relationship and where they were heading for Spring Break.

5. People that You So Badly Want to Defriend

Last month you went through all 1,256 of your friends and defriended everyone you didn’t want to be friends with anymore. You felt good. You had cleaned up your list, eliminating those people who posted TMI statuses or those who posted something every ten minutes. Then it happens. You log in a week later and you have a friend request from someone you just defriended. You thought you could get away with it, but they caught you. Shit. You accept once again, cringing as your list of “people that you want to defriend” grows bigger.

This being said, it makes you wonder which list you fall into with some of your “friends…”

Louise Lloyd Owen I am a proud graduate of Lake Forest College. I recently moved back to Boston to work @mullenunbound as an AAE in their Public Relations/Social Influence department. I'm trying to figure out my place in the real world, armed with my iPhone and latte in hand.

View all posts by Louise Lloyd Owen

2 Responses to “Haven’t Spoken to You in Five Years, But I Know What You Did Last Summer”

  1. Kayla Brown

    HA! Great post, Louise

    I find it incredibly depressing how many people I went to high school (even elementary school) with are suddenly getting married and /or having kids. Starting to make me paranoid…

    Reply
  2. Ashley

    This post is my LIFE. I literally shook my head yes and laughed @ every thing written, because I’ve been in EVER scenario!

    Reply

Leave a Reply