In the modern world, it is common knowledge that amongst the average, law-abiding citizens, there are those bent on the shear destruction of man. In response, these malevolent fiends dominate our national discourse, as the TSA steps up security measures from light love taps to happy endings, Ann Coulter demands we employ “profiling” because these bad people dress the same, and Juan Williams leaves NPR for Fox News just so he can rant about the inherent qualities that predispose these people to extremism.
People in the U.S. should not be concerned about being “politically correct” towards those who want to bring their freedoms to a screeching halt! Let’s say it like it is: these perpetrators all look the same! They’re all from the same places, know the same people, believe in the same ideals, and follow the same general teachings! They might deny it, but they are, in fact, all wearing the exact same garb!
The individuals hell-bent against Americans are of a particular breed. They’re well trained, intelligent, and extremely well funded. Their networks span the length of the land, nay, the world! Sure, they hide behind a facade of “peace and tolerance,” but we all know their real motives. So I’ll come out and say it, and to hell with political correctness! These people are, as everyone knows and nobody is willing to say, the men who wear neckties.
The men who wear neckties are the most evil individuals currently walking this earth. Consider the following historical facts:
Perhaps the most obvious of these necktie-wearing sinister extremists goes by the name of Bernard L. “Bernie” Madoff, and his hustle was the largest Ponzi scheme in world history. Madoff made off with so much money from investors chipping-in to his “investment opportunities,” ($65 billion, enough to run the military campaign in Afghanistan out of his own pocket for a full nine months of 2010), it’s hard to believe his surname isn’t one of God’s many cruel jokes, right up there with Hot Pockets and androgynous Sesame Street characters.
Now allow the truth to uncover the secrets of a political figure whose telling garb I’ve held under suspicion for years: former Vice-President Dick Cheney. A little known fact about Dick Cheney is that he is a Dark Lord of the Sith, with the power to submit people into passing legislation with his mighty force lightning. My further historical investigations detailed Mr. Cheney’s role in the U.S. compromising its international stance on the Geneva Convention, an agreement the U.S. had upheld since 1949, after the horrifying events of the second world war. In Mr. Cheney’s defense, the treaty was entirely too popular being upheld for over half a decade by 194 countries including every major world power; his pursuit of individuality obviously couldn’t follow the crowd on the issue.
Next, I came across the curious case of businessman turned lobbyist Jack Abramoff, who plead guilty on January 3, 2006 to three criminal felony charges related to his “Defrauding of American Indian tribes” and his “corruption of public officials.” Abramoff stole enough money from the Indian tribes, (approximately $25 million), to have a film documentary made in his honor entitled Casino Jack and the United States of Money, starring Kevin Spacey as Abramoff himself.
I concluded my investigation with a few well-known names. There’s Allen Greenspan, who’s Randian views of unregulated economy led him to join Atlas in shrugging, even after being informed as early as 1995 of the coming upheaval the unregulated market would prove to have in 2008. Joining Greenspan are Ken Lay, the Enron genius, Scooter Libby, indicted for leaking the identity of a CIA operative in 2005, every asshole trading derivatives on Wall street in the last 10-15 years, and of course the post-Civil War grandfather defector, Richard M. Nixon, who as we all know, is not a crook.
Just so we’re clear, the shared trait of all these perpetrators (besides being hell bent on the destruction of man)? They all wore ties regularly before, during, and after the ill events that plagued their judgments, and in time, their legacies. It is to say, measuring the dimensions of men based on a single trait of their personhood, because that trait is evident several times over in other more ill-intentioned men is just cause for labeling even benevolent men of said trait as the same.
In the same manner, then, there is little to be discerned between the bearded Osama Bin Laden, a Thobe sporting Khalid Sheikh Mohammed, and the approximate 1.6 billion non-extremist Muslims the world over, 5 million of which reside legally, respectfully, and peacefully here in our, and rightfully their, United States of America. And like every man, woman, and child wearing a necktie, benevolent and peaceful or not, we must take our country back from these individuals, as they are all made the same by this shared trait, (Islam and neckties), aren’t they?