Let’s say, hypothetically speaking, you’re hosting a Christmas party. It’s a holly-jolly good time until a certain group of pals make that decisive turn towards too much mulled wine. Before you know it, you’re ambushed with snide remarks on all sides pertaining to your recently acquired Prius parked in the driveway. “Hey, flower child! Can I hitch a ride to Haight-Ashbury with ya? That is, if your backseat isn’t already too full of organic melons and hemp belts…”
You duck into the foyer, where your cousin, Miss Green Goddess USA herself, stands admiring your tree, its high-efficiency fairy lights blinking jubilantly like a swarm of lightning bugs raving on E. “Yep, I decided it would be better to get a fake tree rather than chopping down one of those poor, defenseless evergreens,” you say, beaming with pride.
“Actually,” she cuts you off, her tone dripping with self-importance. “Not only are most artificial trees made from nonrenewable plastic, the vast majority of them are shipped over from China. So it was a nice thought, but it would actually be a lot more environmentally friendly of you to stick with a real tree. You could have turned it into mulch so its life force could continue even after the holidays are over,” she ends with a patronizing smile.
You’re not a violent person, but in that moment you would like nothing more than to smack her. Instead you set to work cleaning up, not even bothering to separate out the recyclables. The idea that your pitiful attempt to lead an environmentally-friendly existence could ever have even have the tiniest hiccup of a chance at, well, mattering? Ha.
The fact is, while we’re old enough where we’re no longer allowed to ignore important issues and trust our parents will take care of it, we’re still young and cute enough to get away with making mistakes. The environmental preservation is way too important to not try. So I would advise you to make like a rapper: get green and f*** the haters.
I <3 My Scooter
By Christine Peterson
“Effing Adorable” takes on a whole new meaning after having witnessed our beloved @Captain_Pete zooming around on her beloved “Sasha.” Turns out it gets better, so read on (with classic Christine enthusiam)!
America’s Best and Worst Green Cities
By Kristen McManus
Where you fall on this list will dictate the kind of strongly-worded letter you write to local politicians, so I suggest you check out this list. Oh, and GO BOSTON!
Treehugger Evolution Revolution
By Jessi Stafford
Thanks to Nathaniel Hawthorne’s The Scarlet Letter, I had always been under the impression that people of the era generally stayed clear of wooded areas because it was widely believed that the forest was Satan’s living room. Boy was I wrong! Read this, impress cute hippies at music festivals with your knowledge of everything historically green.
All things environmentally considered, Brittney’s mom has got it goin’ on. I found this incredibly heart-warming, and I bet you will, too!
Photo by Hello, I am Bruce