You should read this article if:
- Career/school/personal/financial/rapture-induced stress has you downing carbs like it’s your job (Can it be? Please?)
- Your margarita consumption has funded 80% of Jose Cuervo’s profits over the past quarter
- You have no intention of going to the gym
- You still want to look hot as #$*()& this summer
Read on, sisters!
If you are one of the (many!) girls who believe “baggier the better” is the key to hiding problem areas, READ: if you drape yourself in shapeless, oversized sacks you will:
a. completely overwhelm your frame
b. possibly look like one of the Olsens, but probably just homeless
c. end up making yourself look bigger (horrors, right?).
If your problem-area is your tummy, the key is to choose clothes that gently float away from your midsection, masking that little bit of extra belly jiggle. Instead, attract attention towards your other fabulous qualities i.e. your pretty face, toned arms, delicate décolletage, and those hot-as-hell legs. Who wears short shorts? Why, YOU do!
Bathing suits can be tricky, but try to create the illusion of curves by choosing sexy retro-inspired one-pieces like this:
Sometimes referred to as “pear-shaped.” This body type generally means teeny-tiny from the waist up with the curvacious J.Lo booty from the waist down.
This silhouette is all about creating proportion. For your bottom half, choose flattering (neither baggy nor skin tight) pieces like A-line skirts and bermuda shorts that hit just above the knee. You’re looking to balance your silhouette by drawing the eye upwards. In terms of tops you can afford to go all out: tank, one-shoulder, halter, strapless, doesn’t matter, you can do it all. All this means is if a canary-yellow floral featuring ruffles and diamonte trim is speaking to you, make sure it’s speaking to the top half and not the bottom. Otherwise this will completely throw off the proportions, thereby adding weight to your booty zone.
For bathing suits you may want to favor a hot little skirt, but again, avoid ruffles (which, unfortunately, are everywhere this season).
Proportionate bust and hips with a defined waist, sometimes called hourglass shape means you should choose clothes that bring focus to the tiniest part of you (your midsection) while rockin’ those curves as hard as possible. I’m talkin whiplash here, ladies:
Remember what I said about showing off your waist. Stay away from trendy dresses like these which add weight to your midsection and make you look… well…
saggy, baggy, and bloated:
- Wear the right size: “It’s just a number.” I hate when people say that. I wanna be a Size 2. If I actually wore clothes that were a Size 2 I would either 1. be arrested for indecent exposure because said garments would not sufficiently cover my body or 2. look like “that” girl who doesn’t want to admit that she’s gained weight so she continues to rock the muffintop. Fat and in denial = the opposite of Haute and Dangerous.
- Have a Golden Glow! Ever wonder why body builders are always so tan? It’s because a sun-kissed bronze makes you look a bit more toned than pasty white. I hate to say it, but those Jersey Shore girls might be on to something. To avoid skin cancer and premature aging, airbrush tans are a great alternative, and even sunless tanning products have come a long way. Just remember to exfoliate beforehand, and if you’re taking the DIY route, mixing tanning product with moisturizer can help you achieve a more even effect.
- Heels! Not only do you look longer and leaner, it gives you a booty lift. Just make sure you can walk in those babies, baby.
- “Suck in, sit up straight, and smile!” That was the first lesson my mother ever taught me (joke — kind of).