Haute and Dangerous: Look Like a Supermodel this Summer

You should read this article if:

  • Career/school/personal/financial/rapture-induced stress has you downing carbs like it’s your job (Can it be? Please?)
  • Your margarita consumption has funded 80% of Jose Cuervo’s profits over the past quarter
  • You have no intention of going to the gym
  • You still want to look hot as #$*()& this summer

Read on, sisters!

Tummy-Tucked

If you are one of the (many!) girls who believe “baggier the better” is the key to hiding problem areas, READ: if you drape yourself in shapeless, oversized sacks you will:
a. completely overwhelm your frame
b. possibly look like one of the Olsens, but probably just homeless
c. end up making yourself look bigger (horrors, right?).
If your problem-area is your tummy, the key is to choose clothes that gently float away from your midsection, masking that little bit of extra belly jiggle. Instead, attract attention towards your other fabulous qualities i.e. your pretty face, toned arms, delicate décolletage, and those hot-as-hell legs. Who wears short shorts? Why, YOU do!

Forever 21 Bandeau Dress

Forever 21 Contrast Bandeau Dress

J. Brand Cutoffs

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Bathing suits can be tricky, but try to create the illusion of curves by choosing sexy retro-inspired one-pieces like this:

Modcloth Bathing Beauty One Piece

Don't You Dare: H&M Striped Tank Dress aka Hell on a Hanger

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Bootylicious

Sometimes referred to as “pear-shaped.” This body type generally means teeny-tiny from the waist up with the curvacious J.Lo booty from the waist down.

This silhouette is all about creating proportion. For your bottom half, choose flattering (neither baggy nor skin tight) pieces like A-line skirts and bermuda shorts that hit just above the knee. You’re looking to balance your silhouette by drawing the eye upwards. In terms of tops you can afford to go all out: tank, one-shoulder, halter, strapless, doesn’t matter, you can do it all. All this means is if a canary-yellow floral featuring ruffles and diamonte trim is speaking to you, make sure it’s speaking to the top half and not the bottom. Otherwise this will completely throw off the proportions, thereby adding weight to your booty zone.

Anthropologie Beau Ideal Dress

Sparkle and Fade Linen A-line Skirt

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

For bathing suits you may want to favor a hot little skirt, but again, avoid ruffles (which, unfortunately, are everywhere this season).

Victoria's Secret Forever Sexy Skirted Bottom + Top

This Bebe Kimono Minidress may look cute now, but its formless top and skin-tight bottom will land you in years (and years!) of therapy for self-esteem issues

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Death-defying Curves

Proportionate bust and hips with a defined waist, sometimes called hourglass shape means you should choose clothes that bring focus to the tiniest part of you (your midsection) while rockin’ those curves as hard as possible. I’m talkin whiplash here, ladies:

Forever 21 Embroidered Tunic

Express Knotted Jersey Dress

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Victoria's Secret Lilya Push-Up Halter with Black Bikini Bottoms

Isabella One-Piece Swimsuit

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Remember what I said about showing off your waist. Stay away from trendy dresses like these which add weight to your midsection and make you look… well…

Old Navy Dress aka The Devil

saggy, baggy, and bloated:

Extra Tips:

  • Wear the right size: “It’s just a number.” I hate when people say that. I wanna be a Size 2. If I actually wore clothes that were a Size 2 I would either 1. be arrested for indecent exposure because said garments would not sufficiently cover my body or 2. look like “that” girl who doesn’t want to admit that she’s gained weight so she continues to rock the muffintop. Fat and in denial = the opposite of Haute and Dangerous.
  • Have a Golden Glow! Ever wonder why body builders are always so tan? It’s because a sun-kissed bronze makes you look a bit more toned than pasty white.  I hate to say it, but those Jersey Shore girls might be on to something. To avoid skin cancer and premature aging, airbrush tans are a great alternative, and even sunless tanning products have come a long way. Just remember to exfoliate beforehand, and if you’re taking the DIY route, mixing tanning product with moisturizer can help you achieve a more even effect.
  • Heels! Not only do you look longer and leaner, it gives you a booty lift. Just make sure you can walk in those babies, baby.
  • “Suck in, sit up straight, and smile!” That was the first lesson my mother ever taught me (joke — kind of).

Kayla Brown Kayla Brown is the author of the “Boston Babe Sports Bible” series and TNGG's weekly fashion column, "Haute and Dangerous" (inspired by a Ke$ha song). She hopes to one day channel her debilitating caffeine addiction into the noble art of copywriting. Her interests include watching YouTube videos of cute animals doing funny things. If you think you can handle it, follow her on Twitter: @kjbrown22.

View all posts by Kayla Brown

7 Responses to “Haute and Dangerous: Look Like a Supermodel this Summer”

  1. Dylan

    Being a man, these tips mean nothing to me outside of the fact I hope other women heed these words. Also, I just loved reading this.

    Reply
  2. arafat kazi

    Thank you for giving me the courage to wear short shorts.

    Reply
  3. Valeria

    Preach it gurl. I feel like my body is all sorts of odd — athletic build — no butt, wide shoulders, narrow hips — when you think of me, think of a pregnant triangle. Voila — what works for that? HALP.

    Reply
    • Kayla Brown

      Hi Valeria!
      Eek, that’s tricky! Fortunately, one of my best friends has that exact same body type, so I’m well acquainted. Let’s see… off the top of my head:
      Avoid strapless, halter, or one shoulder tops as they make shoulders look broader. Also puffy sleeves, or those 90′s shoulderpads that have made a comeback thanks to Gaga and McQueen.

      Same goes for that insipid ‘cropped’ trend from a few seasons back. That actually looks flattering on very few people, so avoid like the plague. Also stay away from belted/cinched waist — good for hourglass, bad for you (you would trend more toward ‘apple’ shape FYI). You’re not trying to create curves, you’re trying to elongate your figure by creating flattering lines while minimizing your top half so it balances out with your bottom half. Dark colors on top. Well tailored blazers/jackets. Sweet bras (by ‘sweet’ I mean supportive). Shorter skirts (when in doubt, hit just above the knee). Little shorts. The wrap dress (see: Diane von Furstenburg) is amazingly flattering, just make sure it’s not an overly busy pattern and/or it’s not too long.

      When in doubt (and this is true of ALL body types). I am a HUGE fan of monochromatic dressing. As far as shoes, pointed toes are amazingly slimming (all about the lines!) and a nice pair of nude pumps can make you look like you have legs for days (a la: http://lvcmag.com/TrendsArticle.aspx?ArticleID=953)

      That’s a start, but if you have more questions, you know where to find me! ;)

      Reply
      • Ashley

        Taking this and running with it, hoping I can look half as hot as you do! (Of course, some editing of these tips to hide a few little problem areas (i can’t stop eating bread!) along the way…)

        Reply
  4. edward boches

    I don’t think the women in these pictures need much help. In fact looks like a lot of them go to the gym. Or definitely avoid downing multiple portions of carbs.

    Reply
    • Kayla Brown

      Oh, I know! I was thinking the same thing!

      Unfortunately, I was on a deadline and I didn’t foresee any (legal) alternatives short of asking women on the street if they would mind modeling their physical imperfections and/or fashion crimes against humanity — (‘Excuse me, Miss. I’m sure you get this all the time, but the way that neon spandex crop top accentuates your beer gut is absolutely breathtaking… Would you let me photograph you?’)

      Unrealistic fashion expectations is definitely something I’d like to tackle in the future, though. Thanks for the comment/inspiration, Edward!

      Reply

Leave a Reply