Texting and the Booty Call: A Guy’s Perspective

It’s no secret that cell phones have become a vital accessory for Americans in every social class, race, and age bracket. You can’t go anywhere without seeing hordes of people, thumbs blazing away, faces buried in their smartphones — completely oblivious to oncoming traffic, robbers, burning buildings, sunshine, and basically everything else happening at that present moment in time.

Don’t get me wrong, when you stop and think about the advancements in technology over a few short years, it is truly mind-boggling. The average American carries around a tiny rectangular of plastic no bigger than an Altoids tin through which they can make phonecalls, get un-lost via GPS, Google pointless questions, facilitate a scrabble game, and even watch movies. Imagine being released from jail after being locked up for the last 25 years and trying to figure out what the hell an iPhone does.

Cell phones and the shift in digital communication, most notibly the explosion of text messaging, have had the most profound impact on one type of social interaction in particular: the booty call.

Once night falls on Fridays and Saturdays in the good ol’ USA, the streets are soon crawling with the type of female who make up for their lack of moral fiber with heavy-handed bronzer application. It isn’t long before destiny (vodka, five-inch heels) delivers these lasses into the waiting arms of some Ed Hardy-wearing dude and invariably the two take the appropriate measures to ensure their species will continue to stumble across the earth for a long time to come.

Flash back a few decades. I wasn’t alive in the ’70s, but it’s a safe bet that carnal inclinations were alive and well in human beings back then, just as they are now. Only difference is if you wanted to have sex with a girl you met in a bar in 1975, you had to stay with that girl the entire night. Perhaps you wrote down your address on a piece of paper and gave it to her hoping that she’d just show up at some point? Even if you got her phone number, it probably didn’t do much good. Assuming the fundamental principles of random sex were still the same, if a girl made it all the way back to her apartment alone, the chances of her leaving to come to a guy’s messy bachelor pad were not good.

Fast forward to 2011. You can meet a girl at 10:30 at night, exchange numbers, go to three different bars without her, text her at 1:45, meet up, have sex, go to sleep, maybe eat breakfast with her, and never see her again. It really is as simple as that.

Not only is the actual process much easier, but any possible rejection is significantly less harsh in today’s technologically-padded day and age than it must have been a few decades ago. Worst-case scenario: she doesn’t text you back or she texts something so incoherent that you never meet up. There’s no face-to-face rejection to haunt you for the rest of your days. Not to mention texting allows for experimentation with creative/sexy pickup lines (my personal favorite — “Do you wanna come over and take a shower and we can check each other for moles?”).

The previous example only scratches the surface of the glorious effect cell phones and texting have had on sex lives from coast to coast. It has become a walk in the park to have sex with a girl you meet on a night out, and it is now just as effortless to have sex with her again at some point in the future (granted of course that you’re better at sex than 10% of the population).

A cell phone is basically just a man’s Virtual Vagina Rolodex. If you’re striking out on a given night, the amount of effort it takes to text a girl (or seven) from the archives of your past conquests is basically zero. Cell phones have created a most fortunate generation; a generation where ugly people can have sex with strangers without really having to try. Somewhere on a mountain top in Nova Scotia, Alexander Graham Bell’s corpse is smiling.

photo by joeltelling

11 Responses to “Texting and the Booty Call: A Guy’s Perspective”

  1. Christine

    This may reveal me to be perhaps on the older side of the millennial distribution but…

    …Really? I can’t take this seriously. “Virtual Vagina Rolodex”? Come On.

    Reply
    • ashley lee

      Somehow as a graduate of a women’s college and an admitted feminist, this entire thing just makes me really really sad.

      Reply
      • Valeria

        hmm … it’s like there’s no need to make an effort to interact with humankind on a respectable level. This is why all my booty calls are people I know outside of a booty call atmosphere — this is also the reason why i have to stop talking to them after 3 months.

        Reply
  2. Dulce

    “It isn’t long before destiny (vodka, five-inch heels) delivers these lasses into the waiting arms of some Ed Hardy-wearing dude and invariably the two take the appropriate measures to ensure their species will continue to stumble across the earth for a long time to come.” LOL scary….

    Reply
  3. John Birch

    I love the “Virtual Vagina Rolodex” line, it is so true.

    I wasn’t around in the 70′s either but they are legendary for swinging and the sexual revolution (prior to the AIDS epidemic of the 80s and beyond). It would have been interesting to have some input from someone who was dating in the 70s and see what they think.

    Reply
  4. Zach M

    The Free Love generation did not in general follow the hippy path a la Woodstock of communal love…. and the ganged up power booty call such as is described above was not in the realm of possibility. Calling seven girls in a row that you had slept with one after another to see if they wanted a roll in the hay was not how it was done. Course there isn’t much love in a booty call, mostly mechanics. If you called a past flame for a booty call, she would think you were either drunk, disrespectful or down right crazy and just hang up and if it was late at night and if you called a more spirited lassie with a brain and some self respect, she would probably just tell you to do it yourself.

    You ask did we seek out a, “type of female who make up for their lack of moral fiber with heavy-handed bronzer application” and was this type available? Not really. Gals that were called out as, “an easy lay” were not well regarded. Guys that had something going for themselves did not need to avail themselves of this kind of gal for sex. They would woo and date and have sex with women they admired and whose mental and physical company they craved. Why bother with the easy lay when something better that was full service was available?

    So men found themselves more deeply involved with gals and receiving a lot of sex over a continuum with that one lady rather than having a baseball team worth of players on call to draw on as the urge hit. Now I know variety is the spice of life but there was a structure and a comfort found in our serially monogamous selves that made us happy and secure. Yeah, we did not get a chance to nail every gal that walked by but we also enjoyed the discipline of it, the fact that we could stay largely loyal to our main squeeze until the relationship ended. So fewer partners than you but the same amount of sex. Now all that said, I’d be disingenuous not to say that I am envious of your open and extensive sexuality, it’s just that in the larger scale of things our more restrained method worked very well. And I loved the resonance of cleaning up for a date, working at being a gentleman with great manners and wooing the lady. A man at his best and most attractive self. Such fun! In terms of sexuality, you dudes do things in volume that we dabbled in or conjured but a lot of satisfaction can be had in contemplation as opposed to fulfilling actions that may be emotionally or morally confusing.

    Reply
  5. nita

    great article. this reminds me of a scene in How I met your Mother. Barney is talking about booty calls and says the later the night the shorter the message. The last one was a text saysing: ?
    And that was enough for some girl to know that he was asking for sex.

    Reply
  6. Andrew

    Is this satire? Or is it just odious bullshit?

    I can’t believe you would give a forum to such artless trash. I would love to see TNGG create thoughtful, relevant, and progressive articles about topics such as these, rather than the same old tired frat boy nonsense.

    Reply
    • Neil James

      Usually I respond by email when people comment to try and facilitate a little bit more one on one dialogue, but your post was just too funny. I find it interesting that you call for “thoughtful, relevant, and progressive articles” but your comments about what I wrote are the exact opposite. The frat boy line was priceless, especially given the fact that you couldn’t be more wrong about me or my background. Perhaps you should read my other piece about quick and shallow rushes to judgement and try to be a little less arrogant. I hope you don’t hurt yourself when you get off your high horse to get into bed tonight.

      Have a great day :)

      Reply
      • Andrew

        If I hurt myself, should I consult someone in my “vagina rolodex”?

        I have no interest in elevating dialogue with someone who contributes to a culture of mindless misogyny masquerading as ironic bro-ism.

        Reply
  7. infectious

    andrew… you’ll find a woman that makes you their bitch. you might get sex all the time, eventually it will seem as a chore. so based on what you’ve said, i assume you a have a small dick and don’t get out much. as a 23 y/o man who recently wasted 2 years and some months on a feminist woman. i’m a sex god that can deliver more than 20 orgasms within the first few minutes. women are simple and want only a few things, money, orgasms and social status. if you can deliver any of those, they’ll crave it.

    as to the feminists… you’re a dike in disguise, you want to play butch and will be disappointed by the man until you submit. you will find no happiness solely on the consecration of other like minded women at your side seeking solace in a world that is not yours. inhabit venus and maybe you’ll find your perturbed paradise. till then, walk against the grain and gain splinters as your trophies.

    Reply

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