Banned in DC: Lessons in Sexting and Manhood

As the fourth estate perpetually occupies itself with meaningless diatribe, last week’s biggest non-story of all the non-storys was Anthony Weiner’s penis tweet.

For those of you who haven’t been keeping up to date, in the latest case of a politician putting his penis somewhere that it shouldn’t be, Congressman Anthony Weiner (D-NY) accidentally tweeted a picture of his crotch.

Weiner initially claimed his account had been hacked, but then later admitted he had intended to send the picture to a woman he had been flirting with online. The ensuing scandal has revealed a number of raunchy sexts and dirty conversations that the congressman has carried on with women across the country, including this exchange:

Weiner: It needs your pussy juice
Lady Friend: I have lots of it for you
Weiner: off to the shower this thing is bobbing up and down
Lady Friend: aahh…wish I was in the shower with you to help
Weiner: you give good head?
Lady Friend: I’ve been told really good…I love doing it
Weiner: wow a jewish girl who sucks cock! this thing is ready to do damage

After a slew of really depressing political sex scandals (John Edwards, Arnold Schwarzenegger, etc.), it’s good to have one that’s really funny and relatively harmless. But moving beyond the sophomoric easy-to-make jokes (of which I’ve made many) there a number of valuable lessons to be learned from the newest snake to escape the cage:

1) Andrew Breitbart has to show everyone his d*ck. Andrew Breitbart, the Tea Party darling and unrepentant ass who first made a name for himself by running a smear campaign against Shirley Sherrod, has been reveling in his role as the breaker of the Weiner news. Since breaking the story on his website BigGovernment.com, Breitbart took it to the next level last Wednesday, when he showed a picture of Weiner’s weiner to shock-jocks Opie and Anthony, who in turn took a picture of the picture and put it on the web for everyone to see.

This is not the sext we're referring to.

For his part, Breitbart claims Opie and Anthony secretly recorded the photo without his permission and that he never intended for the pic to go public. But it really doesn’t matter, because the bottom line is it’s still his fault the picture got out to the public in the first place. This type of action is reprehensible and goes way beyond politics, media, scandal, or anything of the sort.

There are certain things a man should never, ever, ever do to another man. Near the top of that list, among kicking another man in the crotch or screwing his wife, is taking a picture of another man’s d*ck and showing it to everyone. Brietbart has violated a sacred code and has placed himself among the lowest of the low. The only way for him to redeem himself and gain back any shred of decency is to apologize to Congressman Weiner and release pictures of his own d*ck.

2) Anthony Weiner probably doesn’t have to resign. Inevitably, there has been backlash against Weiner from both the Left and the Right. Weiner, who only weeks ago was being championed as a strong candidate for mayorship of New York City, is now being pressured to resign his seat because of the scandal.

Without a doubt, the Weiner affair has been embarrassing to the people in his district, and maybe even a disgrace to the office he holds, but to say he should resign seems a bit premature.

Anthony Weiner didn’t break the law, he didn’t intentionally ruin anyone’s life, and he didn’t even get laid (which is kind of sad). This whole “affair” will take a while for him to live down, but he didn’t do anything millions of other Americans haven’t done before.

In terms of political sex scandals, this really is not that bad. If Ted Kennedy didn’t have to resign after accidentally killing a girl, Anthony Weiner should get to keep his job.

3) We need to lower our expectations of politicians in their personal lives. Every single time a politician does something stupid, without a doubt, there’s the inevitable shock and outcry. There shouldn’t be.

Politicians are human. Humans sometimes make mistakes. Many people say that professional athletes are role models in society, but there are plenty of pro ballers who get DUIs and gun charges that don’t have to quit their jobs. So why is it that every time someone holding public office makes a mistake in their personal lives, society feels they need to be nailed to the wall?

I’m not saying politicians shouldn’t be held to a higher moral standard than normal people. They should be. But it should be in what they do in their capacity as office holders. Screwing poor people, being a pawn for lobbyists, and involving our military in unnecessary and costly wars are all far more reprehensible crimes. When it comes to Washington, let’s focus on the transgressions inside the halls of congress, not the ones on the outside.

4) If you’re one of the strongest progressives in Congress and a rising star in the Democratic Party, for the love of God please do not take a picture of your d*ck and send it to someone that is not your wife. Pretty self-explanatory.

End.

Matt Ryan [TNGG Boston] I'm a lifelong Democrat and writer of a politically-oriented column, "Banned in D.C." Hobbies include watching TV and listening to super intense bands with mad scary dudes that have tattoos and stuff.

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