Full Frontal: People Think I’m a Slut

I thought our generation was supposed to be liberated. But, the fact remains our brains and libidos have been hard-wired to act the same way they did when we were all Encino Men.  So it’s difficult to have to face up to the fact, that even though I like to think that being sex-positive is awesome and empowering (for both females and males), there still exists that subconscious attitude that being open about sex as a female makes you a Sex-Crazy Nympho Dream Girl.

Almost every sexual action we pursue with someone is done from an evolutionary standpoint.  We’re attracted to people that look different than we do in order to ensure the gene pool will remain diverse.  The way a person smells to us will affect our attraction to them. The amount of clothes we where (or the color, cut, style, etc) all are done in an effort to essentially “peacock” to attract a mate — whether its for a night or for a lifetime. We maybe don’t think about it, but it happens. It makes sense that sometimes, dudes just like the women they’re interested in to act coy and playfully disinterested because they want to make sure that when the sex finally happens, it’s just for them.

Is slut-shaming hard-wired into evolution? Are girls who are open with their sexual feelings and desires with their partners (romantic and otherwise) going to be the ones left being always a bridesmaid and never a bride?  It seems male sexuality is allowed to be open and aggressive – in fact it’s inviting (after all, who doesn’t want a guy that’s always trying to impress and court them?). But for the ladies, being too open about sex runs the risk of being categorized as easy.

When is the right time to let your freak flag fly?  I’ve always shown it proudly from my stoop.  But it’s the moments when my father keeps nagging me about having a boyfriend (or inquires if I’m gay) that I think to myself, “Hmm … what is it that I’m doing wrong?”  To which, I automatically say, of course, “nothing.”  But it’s that little nagging feeling in the back of my mind.

But maybe it’s just me.  What do you guys think?  Do we unconsciously slut-shame?

Valeria Villarroel Recent College Grad, New Employee, who's media-obsessed. Straddling the line between low-tech and new-tech. Writer. Personality. Fangirl. I love thinking about and debating brit-pop, media, politics, and social issues. I have a lot of things to say, and probably not enough words to say it. Find me on twitter @Maleria_withaV

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5 Responses to “Full Frontal: People Think I’m a Slut”

  1. Sean Meyer

    Personally I would like my partner to be very open with me sexually. In the situation I become engaged soon, that marriage may last for 80-100 years. I would like to think my wife would have enough sexual energy to last well into time, and not just the current peak we our experiencing. So go on with your bad self; be a lady in the streets but a freak in the bed with your man. In the end, is there anything else we are looking for?

    Reply
    • Valeria

      Sean, how soon should a lady reveal that she’s a freak in the bed? In an ideal world, it would be whenever she felt like it, whether its the first night or months down the road. But doing it too soon, and females run the risk of being left in the dust afterwards. For example — how do you distinguish between the women that you’re going to sleep with between the women that you’re going to date / marry — what is the quality that separates them?

      Reply
  2. Christine Leigh

    I was at the Seattle Slut-walk and I found myself really uncomfortable with the undress, and sexual expression that was presented, and started to ask myself these questions: Am I slut-shaming? I’ve never thought of myself a slut, and I’m married now, so the concept is a bit irrelevant to my personal life.

    I do worry that people treat each other like commodities, and less like people. (This isn’t just in sex, capitalism and higher education is just as guilty.) So while I am not inherently opposed to pre-marital sex, I sense there is trap that women (especially the young and single variety) can fall into sexually: 1) being valued as sexual beings beyond their intellect or creative capacity and 2) being used because they are seen as sexual objects first. I don’t think that gals are sluts, or easy, for their sexual expression, which they are entitled to.

    I’ve read some stuff suggesting that relationship expectations are blurring: some women want sex and some men want commitment more. http://www.cbsnews.com/stories/2011/02/04/earlyshow/living/relationships/main7317533.shtml

    Of course, I’m not trying to downplay the overt slut-shaming done in some social circles. And that sucks.

    Reply
    • Valeria

      Christine, what about the undress and expression made you feel uncomfortable? And there are so many mixed-feelings on the idea of the slut-walk … on the one hand, YAY BE YOUR FUCKING SEXUAL SELF, but then there’s also like, by the idea of being in a slut-walk and walking/dressing like a “slut” as that Toronto police officer thinks of it, isn’t it perpetuating the image that the slut-walks are supposed to fight?

      I’m with you on the commodities thing.

      Reply

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