The 5 Faces of Drunkenness

Partying is not something foreign to Millennials. Imbibing in whatever (beverage of choice) has become almost more than a past-time to our generation. I mean, when there are no jobs, there are no rules.

Perhaps because of our inherent sociality, Millennials everywhere are constantly meeting new people. But with that first social outing with someone new comes the risk of the unknown drunk. Your new friend could seem perfectly fine when sober, but when the alcohol level gets a little too high, the potential of a Dr. Jekyll/Mr. Hyde situation becomes exponentially larger.

Generally, the odds are high that your new, wasted friend will fall into one of the following five categories (depending on the night, mood, and even perhaps the type of alcohol consumed):

  1. The Happy Drunk

This is an ideal drunkard. They are just so damn happy! Everything is funny and laughter is both uncontrollable and  a source of confusion to others. Life is just great for the Happy Drunk. In fact, it often couldn’t be any better. Happy drunks are often seen shouting, “OMG! This is the BEST night EVER!” or “We should do this ALL the time! It’s so great!” Having a Happy Drunk as the life of the party means everyone else can have a great night, too. Why can’t we all be Happy Drunks?

  1. The Sad Drunk

You’ve seen them. There is at least one at every party; they may just be hiding in a corner with their best friend desperately trying to end the tears. Also known as “The Criers,” these individuals put the good time of others at risk. No one wants to be that kid at the party, and worse, no one wants to be the one who brought that kid. The scary part about Sad Drunks is it’s difficult to discern the source of the sadness. It could be anything from a small bout of loneliness or perhaps a mood of nostalgia in which the sad drunk cries, “Remember when we used to be best friends? Why don’t you like me anymore?” This starts the train of “My life sucks” soliloquies, and the eyes become darkened and downcast. Sad Drunks are often inconsolable, so nothing you say will make them feel better. Tough luck. Just let them cry it off.

  1. The Angry Drunk

While entertaining to some degree, the Angry Drunks often get old fast. As much as we love seeing a good-old-fashioned Ronnie/Sam fight because we’re just glad it isn’t us, it does bring a bit of a damper on the night. Angry Drunks are also a bit unpredictable. Watch out for the threat of flying objects and damage to your car. It is best to ignore the screaming antics of an angry girlfriend while shoving the angry boys into the backyard to have their fistfight. The tricky part is, many times, the Angry Drunks don’t remember being angry the next morning. While you remember them telling you what a heinous bitch they were, they have no recollection. Sometimes, we have to just let things go.

  1. The Lovey Drunk

Lovey Drunks are often highly entertaining; a close second place finish on the ideal drunk list. Lovey Drunks just love EVERYONE. Hugs are given all around, as are compliments. Lovey drunks profess how sweet someone is, how nice they are, and are often prone to attempt snuggling. They also tend to want to share the love and can be found making out with just about anyone… lock up your little brothers. Generally they’re still happy afterward and there are no tears. Make love, not war!

  1. The Bad-Decision Drunk (BDD)

Waking up the next morning after being a BDD can be painful. The black plague of the drunkenness scale, the Bad-Decision Drunk thinks pretty much anything is good idea, which can be dangerous without a babysitter. The consequences range from petty theft, coyote uglies, or in extreme cases, grand larceny or tattoos. With such a wide range of actions falling into the “bad decision” category, pretty much everyone has experienced the BDD and thus has felt the stinging pain of consequences. Thanks to The Hangover, we all have at least one solid example of the dangers of being the BDD. After all, no one wants to wake up with a tiger, a baby, or get punched in the face by a professional heavyweight.

Take note millennials! There is good drunk and bad drunk so proceed with caution. If you’re concerned about befriending a BDD, just wear flat shoes so that in the event of an emergency, at least you will be able to save yourself from getting arrested. Finally always remember to drink responsibly. (AKA pay a sober freshman to drive you around, get a babysitter, or call a cab!)

Casey Schoelen I am a recent college graduate trying to figure out my next step in life. Until then, I'm living life day by day. I'm enjoying spending time with my friends and family, doing some traveling and relaxing, and finally reading a book for fun for the first time in years. I am extremely outgoing and love meeting new people. Everyone has their own exciting story to share. I love traveling, sports, history, reading, Europe, cooking, and reality television. Some of my goals are to visit all seven continents, learn another language, and see the north pole. Every day is the chance for a new adventure.

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One Response to “The 5 Faces of Drunkenness”

  1. shelley

    where’s the completely bonkers drunk?! that’s how i would describe my drunk form!! ok…..guess i’m a happy drunk!

    Reply

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