We’ll always have Paris…
Actually, no we won’t (it’s called Paris Fashion Week for a reason, people). This week’s “Haute and Dangerous” is a rundown of poignant moments from the fashion world’s French occupation in addition to a peek at the delectable treats to come. (Hint: Chanel? Yes! Croissants? Probably not.)
Paris Fashion Week started off with a bang, quite literally, when the front row benches at the Balenciaga show collapsed, forcing the likes of Vogue editor Anna Wintour and the caliente Salma Hayak to awkwardly stand while the models continued their trot down the runway. There you have it: standing is the new sitting.
Don’t F*** With a Mugler Woman
… because she will eat you. That’s a direct quote (threat?) from a gap-toothed, rainbow haired Lady Gaga who starred in a short film to open the show for her stylist, designer Nicola Formichetti’s second line since coming on as creative director of French fashion label Thierry Mugler. While the show itself, with its “trekkie gone disco” theme, complete with neon lipstick on the models, is receiving mixed reviews from critics, the only thing I can say with any certainty is I have absolutely no clue where Gaga is going with this:
Need a job? Ever since Christian Dior’s disgraced former-designer John “I love Hitler” Galliano went on that drunken anti-Semitic rant in a Parisienne cafe back in February, the legendary French fashion label has been scrambling to find a suitable — if slightly more P.R. friendly — replacement.
In the meantime, the show went on this past week under temporary designer Bill Gaytten, who, despite working under Galliano for the past 15 years, isn’t considered a “serious” candidate after July’s couture collection was widely panned by critics. This most recent unveiling cast a spotlight on another round of elegant, albeit yawn-inducing looks until the (ahem) tail-end of the show when exhibitionist supermodel Karlie Kloss appeared in a gown with a transparent pale pink skirt which left her booty fully on-display. With rumors circulating that Galliano’s successor will be announced within weeks, this ass-tastic finale has been slated as a pointed statement by the slighted Gaytten to all his haters. Further incentive to get that resume in order!
Don’t Quit Your Day Job
‘Twas the night of Kanye’s fashion debut and all through the haus, all the creatures were stirring from too much cocaine. All the right people (Azzedine Alaïa, Alexander Wang, the Olsen twins, Lindsay Lohan, Anna Wintour and Glenda Bailey) were seated by the runway with care, with hopes that Jay-Z and Beyonce soon would be there (they never showed up).
With all the buzz prior to the unveiling of the superstar rapper slash self-professed ultimate fashion fan boy’s debut collection, it might as well have been the night before couture Christmas.
Come Christmas morning, and instead of the Malibu Barbie you had asked for, you unwrap a “Make Your Own Methamphetamine!” kit and a book on famous taxidermists throughout history. In a show so lacking in continuity of style, structure, and/or theme that it left the majority of the audience, “perplexed,” the New York Times fashion blog was able to explain why the clothes seemed to fit the models so poorly (model Chanel Iman explained backstage that Kanye had called and asked her to fly in for a fitting only days prior), but was at a loss for an explanation to why a spring/summer collection would contain pieces so heavily laden with leather, fur, and “a sparkly cropped jacket [which] had so many bits of flare in it that you could imagine Mr. West sampling fashion like he samples different styles of music.”
Through Kanye we learn two valuable life lessons: First, stick to your strengths (rapping), and second, just because you’re into fashion (and are famous with lots of money) doesn’t mean you should become a designer.
Luckily, Givenchy closed out the weekend with an astounding Sunday night show, effectively
proving to the world that when it comes to French fashion, some people still know what they’re doing. NFL players weren’t the only ones dancing around in fancy little pants Sunday night as just about the same time Tom Brady and his Patriots were bringing the Oakland Raiders to their knees, his better half, the legendary Gisele Bündchen made Paris heel, closing out the Givenchy show as only she can. Earning the top spot on Forbes list of power couples is no small feat, but do they have to make it look so easy?
But wait, there’s more!
Still to come: Yves Saint Laurent, Chanel, Valentino, Alexander McQueen, Louis Vuitton, Miu Miu, Elie Saab, and more. Rather than shrieking in the workplace, choking your significant other and/or alternative forms of destructive behavior, constructively contain your excitement and vent your anticipation and/or frustration in the comments.