Haute and Dangerous: 5 Fashionable New Year’s Resolutions

News flash: it’s not just what’s inside that counts. Deal with it. We live in a world where you are what you wear, so if you’re looking to make big changes in your life come 2012, you better have the perfect wardrobe to match. So throw out those grungy leggings, donate those dresses you’re never going to wear, and for goodness sake, please stop wearing those workout bottoms as real pants. You’re not fooling anyone.

That makes two of us

Be honest with yourself

Is your closet full of skeletons or the clothes you used to wear when you were a skeleton? Probably both. Our wardrobes are packed full with the little lies we tell ourselves. That size two micro-mini from spring break freshman year (of high school)? You’ll wear it someday when you’re skinnier. Ski bunny outfit? A must-have for your little trek to the French Alps (when you have the time and money). How about your ex’s sweatshirt you keep in the (unlikely) event you’ll rekindle that flame one day. Just because it’s comfy doesn’t make it any less sad.  Besides, holding on to gifts from former lovers is bad feng shui.

When you find yourself staring into a closet full of clothes and still have nothing to wear, it’s usually because you’re not being honest with yourself regarding how the pieces of your wardrobe fit your body, your personality and/or your lifestyle. It gets to the point where opening your closet doors is akin to opening up your own personal Pandora’s box,  as all the guilt and sorrow over the life you wish you had surges over you. So make your own boxes; label them “Sell,” “Donate,” “Dump,” and “Fix.” In the latter, place all your broken heels, frayed hems, and that ripped top from that time you tried to scale a fence after a James Bond and tequila marathon. Fix what can be fixed and move on from the have-nots and the ghosts of outfits past. You have new, more sparkly things to fill your closet/life with.

Have Priorities

Sure, you could be a size two again. But with your full-time-bordering-on-all-consuming job, charity work obligations, and demanding social calendar, you have to ask yourself, “At what cost?” Thousands of dollars worth of GOOP-mandated macrobiotic meals and sessions with a celeb personal trainer at $400 per session? Incessant irritability because you’re so effing hungry all the time? Loss of friends because all you talk about are calories and you’re constantly passing out from malnourishment? Loss of job, eviction from apartment, and constant interventions from concerned family members on account of your alarming narcotics abuse?

They say life is about the choices you make. What “they” conveniently forgot to mention is that you can’t have it all. Sure you’ve gotta have those gotta have new shoes, but you also gotta pay your rent. They say money can’t buy happiness and if I’ve learned anything from tumblr, it’s that that size 0 girls aren’t necessarily happier than the ones wearing a size six. Prioritize with style so you don’t end up a victim of fashion.

Shop Strategically

Are you an emotional (impulsive) shopper, or a strategic one? Answer A or B to the following questions:

My last shopping spree was motivated by my:

  1. Need for sweaters and other winter essentials. Baby, it’s cold outside!
  2. My boyfriend dumped me, and I thought I could fill the void where my heart used to be with $1000 worth of cashmere.

I bought this dress because:

  1. It’s well made, fits me like a glove, and easily transitions between work and play. Oh, and its machine washable! Yahoo!
  2. It was on sale… probably because it was ripped but no one will notice, right? And it looks like that dress that Beyonce wore in her video that time, I think. Oh no, my eye is twitching again. I shouldn’t have had that 11th cappuccino. Yahoo!

OK, you get the point. Go to the mall like you’re going to war: know what you’re looking for and what you’re willing to do (Spend, that is. Prostitution for Proenza is not an option). Call in backup, if you must. Err on the side of strategy, and soon you’ll have built a wardrobe that can withstand the tests of time and trends. And won’t look like the closet of a person suffering from Multiple Personality Disorder.

Make no apologies

These days, it seems like everywhere you turn, people are looking to shove advice down your throat. You try to escape the tidal wave of annoying blogs (except this one, which is awesome) trying to tell you what to do when, with whom, while wearing what, only to have some sweet old lady sitting next to you on the subway chastise you for your choice of footwear (“Oh, so you decided to wear those shoes with that outfit?”).

The world of fashion is dictated by passing trends and subjective taste, not laws.  So wear whatever the eff you want and make no apologies, regardless of what others (or even yours truly) might say.

Be happy, be healthy, and be haute. Here’s to a fabulous 2012!


Kayla Brown Kayla Brown is the author of the “Boston Babe Sports Bible” series and TNGG's weekly fashion column, "Haute and Dangerous" (inspired by a Ke$ha song). She hopes to one day channel her debilitating caffeine addiction into the noble art of copywriting. Her interests include watching YouTube videos of cute animals doing funny things. If you think you can handle it, follow her on Twitter: @kjbrown22.

View all posts by Kayla Brown

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