Haute and Dangerous: How to Dress for Spring… Without looking like a freak

Picking out an appropriate outfit on an early spring morning is a lot like the onset of puberty — awkward and confusing. While the mere sight of chunky-knit wool sweaters and thick tights makes you break out in hives, you worry it may still be too early to throw caution to the wind by donning sandals and a sundress. You’re damned if you do and damned if you don’t; either you’re the fool sitting at the bus stop wearing thermal underwear in 85 degree heat or the poor, unfortunate soul struggling through a hailstorm in naught but a tube dress and espadrilles.

Fear not, you’ve got Haute! This week we explore tips on how to dress to avoid early April hypothermia, heat stroke, and public humiliation.

Check the Weather

Well, duh. Given the advances in modern technology, forecasting the weather no longer has to involve the following rudimentary methods: roll out of bed, slither groggily to the window, look outside and declare, “It looks like it’s going to be a (insert weather adjective) day today!”

Instead, we have handy-dandy weather apps to tell us what the day will bring. It’s like sleeping with a meteorologist without all the tiresome relationship upkeep.

Stock Up On Essentials

Now that you know what the day will bring, you can supplement your wardrobe with some springtime essentials: sweaters and jackets in lighter fabrics (cotton instead of wool) and colors (mint and lilac instead of black and charcoal). Ditch that drab puffer jacket for a flattering and eternally stylish classic trench. Grab a pair (or seven) of cheery rain boots. And did I mention the need for a good  umbrella (ella, ella, eh, eh, eh)? The mistake many people make is diving straight into their summer wardrobes as soon as the temperature rises above 50. By using Spring as a transition period for your closet, you’ll look super stylish and on-trend without dying from hypothermia! It’s a win/win!

Take Care Of The Goods

Ok, so we all get lazy during the winter months. When you act like a bear in hybernation, it’s only natural that you should emerge from your cave looking like one. Some (ok, just me) believe that March Madness exists so that while the males are watching TV, women can go get pedicures, stock up on razors and moisturizer, and spend long hours exfoliating dry, scaly body parts (check out this sweet DIY recipe). Unless you want to hear whispers on the street, “OMG, what is that alligator/grizzly-bear-hybrid-creature doing walking around wearing that super-cute sundress?” You’ll take advantage of the next few weeks by shaving your legs and slapping a coat of polish on your toesies.

Embrace Color

… even if it’s for the sake of compromise. So after a week of gorgeous spring weather, it’s suddenly drizzly and dreary again. Don’t throw in the towel by digging out all your winter attire. Even the tiniest pop of color — be it mint-hued sunglasses, neon nails, and/or orchid eyeshadow, will serve as a bright spot in your day. At the very least, your colorful getup will remind SAD-stricken passersby on the street that spring is coming and there is still something left to live for in this dark, cold world.

Break the Rules
No open-toed shoes before Memorial Day
No white before Memorial Day
No linen before Memorial Day
et cetera.

These are a few of the antiquated rules that fashion purists would have you adhere to (I’m lookin’ at you, Emily Post!). In these modern days of global warming with the apocalypse looming on the horizon, I’m ruling in favor of common sense and fashion carpe diem. Eschew outdated fashion traditions and go ahead and wear those white linen pants on a balmy April afternoon. Live a little, you fashion rebel, you!

Oh, and find some nice lip color so you don’t look dead.

What’s on your spring fashion to-do list?

Photo by RMIT University

Kayla Brown Kayla Brown is the author of the “Boston Babe Sports Bible” series and TNGG's weekly fashion column, "Haute and Dangerous" (inspired by a Ke$ha song). She hopes to one day channel her debilitating caffeine addiction into the noble art of copywriting. Her interests include watching YouTube videos of cute animals doing funny things. If you think you can handle it, follow her on Twitter: @kjbrown22.

View all posts by Kayla Brown

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